Quick update since it has been a while. I'm listening to D15 and W laugh from D's room. We seem to be putting one happy day after another together again. My bday and father's day cards from W are signed with "love" again. Both of us are putting in the work to rebuild a more secure-functioning relationship. We get a tune-up with our MC at least once per month and MC also reminds us about our progress. There are moments where flashes of the old relationship emerge, usually out of anger or stress. However, we both seem more interested in not letting things escalate, practicing better self-management, and applying new behaviors to work together to solve things.
I'm not posting to brag. I am posting to give others hope. Hope that if you do put in the effort, follow through on what MWD writes, listen to others in this community, etc. you can come back from some pretty hopeless situations if that is truly best for YOU.
It is wonderful to see W (and you) continuing to invest and commit to your new relationship. It sounds like the monthly tune-ups are solidifying and fostering a healthy partnership and healthy strategies for those inevitable disagreements that pop up.
I’d like to submit your story to the Another Divorce Busted! forum. If you’re interested please post a summary of your situation and I’ll get it published.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Hi D! I want to say a special thanks to you. You are truly generous with your time and caring feedback, not only to me but in so many posts I've read here. The calm in your posts certainly provided me with a feeling of support throughout this process when I needed it. I very much appreciate YOU!
I'll work on a summary and review a few of the others in the Another Divorce Busted forum to get a sense for content and length. I've been swamped at work and helping resolve my mother's estate, so will try to get back out here as soon as I can.
Yes, we owe a substantive amount of thanks also to our MC. It also has been a mix of MWD's books, the help of this community, a few other marital experts (Gottmans, Tatkin), and W and me choosing to put in the work. I remind myself regularly not to backslide on these hard-won gains. It can feel very tempting and easy, not unlike picking up old, bad habits. Thankfully, the new habits and relationship are "curing" not unlike fresh concrete that was better prepped and poured this time.
