Feeling hopeless

[grok]

reality has hit me like a ton of bricks. I find myself wanting to apologize but I know that’s not right. I want to scream,
...  
I’m on the clock again. Is he looking at apartments again? When does he plan on telling the kids? Right before d(19) leaves for school and d(17) starts her Senior year?
...
Just need to vent.

As much as you need.  Whenever you want to.  Here.
 
I've felt every one of those things.  I get it.

And you know what?  Sometimes I still have reality hit me like a ton of bricks sometimes.  Almost a year since XW finalized the D.  Why?  Well, been thinking of that for a post in my thread - the impact of going from trust -> receiving dishonesty, disrespect, disloyalty...

and the world keeps turning ... paying me and my occasional desolation no mind.  

So I tell my story here to vent. To let it out.  And to tell my joys in order to reinforce them Where others get it. And to get advice and perspective from those like job who have gone through the fire before - 

The only thing you can do is go somewhere and scream as loud as you can. Take a walk, do something that is really physical that requires your strength and full attention, find a pillow and beat the living daylights out of it.

G's sister - brother, I used to go for walks in the forest and whack trees with a big stick. As hard as I could.  and then my hands hurt.

So, on those good things that YOU control ... any biking lately?  tell us a good biking story!  It's part of your GAL right?

g


Related music feels... hmmmm... something that goes harder for those rage/scream/desolation feelings... I can't decide between:

All the Good - Filter

Rise and shine IMO take back what’s mine from you cuz

All the good in us gets assassinated
All the good in us gets killed no hesitation

Or "mellower"

A Little Bit Off - Five Finger Death Punch

I'm a little bit off today, somethin' down inside me's different
Woke up a little off today, I can tell that somethin's wrong
I'm a little thrown off today, there's something going on inside me
I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off today
[Outro]
I'm a little bit off today
Somethin' down inside me feels so different
Just a little bit off today
You can all f*** off today