Two months have passed in limbo. Not much has changed with the marriage but a lot has changed in me.
Only one notable talk since, I've been flexing my new communication skills a bit, I asked W how she was feeling and got some insights. 'Its over. Disappointed. Sorry'. I brushed over the 'sorry' and asked more about the disappointment. Found a Black Swan in that she doesn't feel a legal claim over our house due to the way I inherited it, I have yet to confirm this, as I think once I go down the road of legal advice that will be the real beginning of the end. She mentioned about the house being where she gave birth (internal conflict). She said what comes next will be difficult. I said that its not what I want but that she deserves to be happy.
She said she has seen my changes. 'Like you've had a personality transplant'. 'I hope the next person gets the best of you'. I haven't had a transplant but I have been finding those parts of me that were hidden or suppressed and have been letting them out, integrating them. I told her I started making changes thinking it would bring us closer but realised I needed to do it for myself, which is the truth. I thanked her for opening up.
I'm really living life at the moment but trying hard to balance it with being present at home.
Father's day was interesting, wife took a few days away as I was heading away on a work trip after. The kids and I had a fun morning, we made a nice breakfast. W wanted to wait until she got back to do gifts so we did wait. She arrived just as I needed to leave. The gifts were nice. Just as I was hugging the kids to say goodbye oldest boy said to W 'are you not hugging daddy?' She came over and put a hand on my back - the first touch initiated by her in over half a year.
In the last while I took wife, kids, MiL out to dinner. Wife sat pretty much turned away from me the whole time, conversation was very scarce with her. I talked more to kids and MiL. and then when I do get an answer to a question it is usually negative. Things like not being able to enjoy her dinner because kids are messing around and she has to rush. The kids are being kids but W always sees the negative. A sign of depression in my opinion.
I've set myself a deadline for when I will start to bring this to an end. It made me much happier to know that all this isn't forever.
