Yesterday he told me that he felt like he was leading me on again after I cried after sex the night before. I said I was having hope because he had told me we were more than just friends, and he said he didn't remember saying that. That crushed me. Then he backtracked and said maybe he said that because he will do more for me than he would for any other friend, but we're not husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend.
I think I just caught him off guard with my changes and he wasn't expecting that. He sounds conflicted and looks conflicted. Everything is better now, our communication, our sex life, how we both act towards each other not snapping at each other. He's asked many times, "why now"? Today I said that it was a wake up call for me. He said it was a wake up call for him to ask for a divorce when he felt like he wasn't being heard all these years. Divorce papers were notarized today but to me that's just a piece of paper. The way he's treating me and acting towards me, comforting me when I cry and being intimate with me says differently, even if he doesn't want to admit it and says it's just sex and not making love.
He mentioned taking what we have learned into new relationships. Not now, in the distant future. That gives me time to keep doing what I'm doing. It took a lot of time for him to resent me. He's noticed the changes and likes them. I told him I don't expect him to change his mind in less than two months, but this is me moving forward and I want to have the best relationship I can with him. If it feels good, do it, and if/when you're ready for us to be a couple just tell me. I just asked him to be careful with his words. I can't imagine any future girlfriend being cool with our living arrangement first of all, and why would he go looking for someone else when he's getting all he needs here? It's not just physical, it's emotional too.
He said he didn't know what the future holds and didn't dismiss that something between us might change for him. I get that he needs time, and I'm going to be there for him. He says he needs to start doing things for himself, that he's always thinking about other people. I said there was nothing wrong with that and I will be there to support him along the way. He thanked me for that.
