And one of the shocking things to me is the simultaneous void, crushing weight, of loss. The incongruent simultaneity. Both exist at the same time in seeming mutually exclusive existence.
Quite profound and a true representation of me, often! I know that I'm blessed with children, family, pets, home, friends, work, health. Still, the weight of sadness (feelings) can and does exist in the background and from time to time, on the forefront.
It’s the journey through the stage of depression.
Depression follows bargaining. Once bargaining - the last ditch effort to try to feel the old normal - has finally failed one enters depression. This stage is brooding, feeling sad, lost, dark, empty, and such. There is a void. A loss of wanting. A missing of fulfillment, or reasons for.
It’s perfectly normal. It’s grief.
And temporary.
Still, one has to walk through it. Walk their path. There are no shortcuts. Grief will be over, acceptance will come, when it does. And not one second earlier.
Most of one’s “figuring it out” occurs subconsciously. Ah, the subconscious. The true workhouse and seat/power of one’s self. Our conscious self is that tip of iceberg sticking out. Our subconscious the huge bulk beneath the waves. The ocean’s surface the boundary between conscious and subconscious.
The power of one’s subconscious is truly amazing when realized.
The subconscious mind is incredible. Consider what you are doing right now. Reading my words. Black scrawls against a white background your subconscious identifies as letters. It stitches those together into words. Further appending the words to sentences, then paragraphs, and so on.
Each step along the way, your mind assigns meaning to those words, sentences, paragraphs. Furthering the meaning and intent of the author as you read more and more. All in real time!
Several paragraphs in and a conclusion or new point instantaneously changes your entire interpretation. Jokes are an excellent example of that.
A real life conversation, face to face, is even more astonishing from a computational perspective. Again, in real time, we listen, consider, formulate, respond, almost immediately to the other person’s words. Words and meaning that literally you had no idea of what they would say. Yet, one’s subconscious mind is such a powerhouse/workhorse of computation it is all happens seamlessly.
The conscious mind pales in comparison. Consider this experience. Actually, please do this experiment. And really focus on it. Full conscious effort:
Sit like you’re driving. (For simplification I will consider left side driving. In truth it matters not, just saves me writing left and right differently.)
So, sit like you’re driving. Close your eyes. Imagine the road before you. Two driving lanes in each direction with a boulevard of green grass between them.
You are in the leftmost lane. There is no traffic. Just you.
I want you to change lanes from the left one to the right one. Really focus on the steering. Like I said, no traffic. No need for signalling, or shoulder checking, or checking the mirrors, etc. I just want you to pay attention to your imagined steering wheel and where the car goes.
So, sitting with hands at 9 and 3. Eyes closed. Count down 3, 2, 1. Make a lane change.
Reset yourself and do it a few more times to get the feel.
Now open your eyes and do it again. Paid attention to what your hands doing. (If I was there, I’d could just tell when your eye we’re closed.)
So, where did your hands go? A simple lane change to the right. You likely steered to the right. Duh. Did you anyone steer to the left?
Most likely something like hands from 9 and 3, to 12 and 6, and back to 9 and 3.
Congratulations. You drove over the curb, across the sidewalk, and crashed into a house!
A lane change requires steering the car back to straight. There is a steering input of equal amplitude and duration in the opposite direction to return the car to straight in the new lane. 9 and 3, to 12 and 6, then 180 degrees left to 6 and 12, and then back to 9 and 3.
Do the imaginary lane change again. Eyes open. Even with this new information you likely still won’t consciously steer like that. It feels wrong when you pay attention.
Of course we obviously do steer left, as we do successful lane changes all the time. If you remember, watch yourself next time you do a lane change. It’s wild to see! You do it, yet your conscious mind thinks it’s wrong. I’ve done this experiment with people for over thirty years now, and I do not consciously steer properly. lol. And I know the answer. Yet it is wrong to me.
So why?
The true powerhouse is our subconscious. It knows and it does.
The conscious mind is for new stuff. It programs our subconscious.
In all the times I’ve performed this experiment with people, the only people to ever get it right, that it felt right to - sixteen year olds that were learning to drive. They had all the steps in their conscious mind. After all, they were learning how to drive. Of course, as inexperienced drivers their skills were poor. Like anything, we learn by rout. By repetition.
Expertise comes with programming one’s subconscious with proper good methods. Unfortunately, most folks program themselves with poor methods. No turn signal, not staying in their lane, and so on. If one’s subconscious workhorse were programmed correctly the “bad habits” are not even performed.
You see, the conscious mind just sets our direction. Makes a decision. In this case a lane change. It starts the action and then turns over the completion of that action to our subconscious. That’s why, when you learn something right the first time is it so much easier. No habit to break.
This is applicable to all facets of life. Especially here and now.
The water’s surface between tip and bulk of iceberg, that boundary between conscious and subconscious: communication is easiest when the water is calm. When the surface is frothy and turbulent, our conscious mind cannot peer inward, nor hear what our deep self is saying.
When one is calm and at peace, one can see a little into that subconscious realm. Our light can illuminate some of what is a few feet below the surface. Likewise our subconscious can be more easily heard.
When learning a new skill, frustration impedes. It’s why we take breaks. Why classes are only so long. We are bit by bit programming, learning, to steer to the left when actually shifting to the right. Even though we won’t, and don’t realize it.
Focus on self, let go, gal, etc. Purposeful conscious controlled actions to alter your programmed default responses.
Originally Posted by MamaG
Knowledge versus feelings. Or is it knowledge AND feelings? They do coexist. Knowing to let knowledge lead. Feeling the weight and getting sucked back in...until knowledge brings me back. Deliberate thoughts to bring me back in those weaker moments.
It’s knowledge and feelings and beliefs and physical action. All four are intertwined.
However, beliefs. Convictions. Values. This is the big one. Those tenets and principles of your life. We are thrown into the fray. A journey and situation we didn’t ask for. Everything gets mixed up. Our beliefs get turned upset down as the one we trust(ed) the most betrays us.
Takes time for us to right ourselves. To find our direction. To (re)program our subconscious. Which requires first controlling our conscious actions and thoughts. Which influence our feelings. Which all influence/alter our convictions. Which influences our thoughts and consciousness.
Strengthen that which serves. Craft that which you aspire to. Discard/alter that which does not, or no longer, serves.
Deep stuff. Especially while within depression. Yet, that is the crux of depression, IMHO. Finding those answers. Reprogramming yourself.
Counterintuitively, the best and fastest way, is to not focus on it. Recall the lane change. You have a lifetime of experiences, and tenets that have served you. Yes, some tweaking is likely. However, you have a good soul. It’s just hurt. Trust yourself.
Do focus your conscious mind on other stuff. Allow your subconscious to churn away. Believe me, it churns best when we don’t bother it. lol. You’ve done lots of inner work already. This is why. This is the time when all that inner work, beliefs, values, and so on, gets reconciled and accepted. Have faith.
Do utilize your conscious mind, as it’s meant to. Decide. Start the action. Then let your workhorse takeover.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
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