“I'm accepting your decisions and behaving accordingly.”
How to apply.
Break it into components.
So, “I'm accepting your decisions”. Do that. Not try. Do. Accept H’s decisions. Well, more accept his right to choose to make decisions. You need not condone or agree with said decisions, just his right to do so.
Then the second part: “behaving accordingly”. Do, behave as you would. Or would’ve, if that helps. Meaning, if when you accept H’s right to choose, you let go of some oddly binding threads. It’s: H is going to do what he is going to do, YOU do what you should do. You control you. Letting go, removes H’s (and AP’s) power over you. Btw, it’s power over you that you are allowing. You are reinforcing it. Let go.
Originally Posted by MamaG
AP's son is also a member of the graduating class and will be at graduation on Thursday. How did I totally forget this critical detail? I'm now not sure that I can attend.
Big Red Stop Sign!
What do you mean, not sure you can attend. Stop giving them power over you!
You choose your path. You decide your path. Not them!
Your life, your direction is not to be based upon their actions.
Originally Posted by MamaG
What would I do if I crossed paths with her? Her mom?
I suspect H and AP won't be sitting together as their relationship is still a secret. But even that is a possible interaction that I'll encounter.
I'm in a bind. Do I attend graduation?
If I don't, my D will be so uncomfortable going alone.
What is the recommendation? Do I attend? If I do attend, what do I do when I run into her? Cross paths with her?
Attend your nephew’s graduation. Nephew dropped off a ticket, and asked you, wants you, to be there. So go.
If you cross paths with AP’s son, congratulate him by name for his hard work and graduating.
If you cross paths with AP. Be cordial. Short conversation, if it is even becomes necessary. Treat her like anyone else. Everyone else. She is nothing special. Meaning, graduation is not the forum for any discussion or morality, or cheating, or all that. Stick to the high road!
It’s nephew’s graduation. He is the star of this. Your reason for even being there. Stick to that. Make the day about him. Not H, AP, or any of their shenanigans.
Behave accordingly. What would you do, if all the BS H has done, didn’t happen? Just regarding this specific graduation ceremony of nephew. You’d go. You’d behave in a certain manner. Speak to people. Congratulate people. Etc. So, do that.
I’ve had graduations, music recitals, socials, and now weddings. XW and OM are involved. In my face. Yes, at the beginning it was difficult. It hurt. Now, weddings and the receptions are a blast. I dance with everyone. Talk to everyone. While XW and OM skulk around.
Truth will out. You need not force it. Everything comes out eventually. Live and love your life - accordingly. Responsibility. Properly. With accountability. Respectfully (to self and others). Genuinely. Sincerely.
Live those tenets.
So, with those convictions in mind:
Originally Posted by MamaG
Do I attend? If I do attend, what do I do when I run into her? Cross paths with her?
It’s not about her. Remember who this day is for.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
