It has been longer than I thought since my last post! Things continue to go well between W and me. Our MC is excellent and, though we only have monthly check-ins, I feel our new (and better) marital habits are paying off. W communicates much more clearly about what she wants/needs. I continue to listen attentively and carefully to ascertain what W's needs are in the moment. W told our MC that she wasn't sure if we'd have made it without her as our MC, and I tend to agree.
At the same time, I am ensuring that I'm clear about my expectations and boundaries. When W (going through menopause) attempts to be discourteous towards me, I politely call out the behavior and, if it continues, advise W that I'm available to talk respectfully at any time and that the moment doesn't seem right. I ask W how I can best support her as she continues to navigate menopause, and am mindful of what is/isn't working for us daily so that I continue to do more of what works and less of what doesn't work. For example, I know W is on a kick for fixing up various things inside and outside of the house. So, I'm working to stay ahead of her "to-do" list, or asking what she'd like us to prioritize tackling next. In the evenings, I know W needs to decompress with a good book and have carved out that same time for catching up on my favorite podcasts. I continue to GAL with close friends, and W is taking an interest in joining us for certain activities again.
My mother unexpectedly passed away. For those who followed my journey, you may recall that W and my mom had a difficult relationship, mostly do to my mother's behavior. As sad as losing a parent can be, my observation is that W is turning more towards me than before - both to offer support and continue piecing our rebooted relationship together. For example, W wants us to set aside time to work through a few activities in a couples counseling book that is specifically tailored around one or both partners having anxiety issues. W is also wanting to talk more about how we might envision our retirement lifestyle to be and asking about things we could do once we cross that threshold in several years.
This forum continues to be a great resource. It reminds me of how bad things felt at one point and keeps me working to not lose my hard-won gains or backslide. It reminds me to maintain my boundaries, work on myself, continuously work on being attractive (in both actions and appearance), and to similarly work on being an expert on all things related to W. And, D15 has also been thriving as the spectre of potentially divorced parents gets smaller and smaller.
I don't write this to gloat or suggest it was easy to get to this point. I've said before and will say again that it takes intention, stamina, and thoughtfulness to improve YOURSELF to then see if your spouse responds with interest in R or if you've achieved confidence in your self-value such that you recognize you will be fine no matter the outcome from attempting to DB. I look forward to catching up on others' situations and trying to help how I might.
