It was funny when years ago I realized I don’t have trust issues. XW is untrustworthy. There is no issue.
Trust it seems, like forgiveness, has more to do with self than others.
Isn't that the truth? XW (H) is untrustworthy. I'll continue to work on forgiving and in trusting - for me. Thanks for the reminder DnJ.
I was unsettled most of this week. The unexpected surfaced. While I looked forward to no H involvement or engagements, H was invited by my brother to nephew's graduation ceremony. Hmm. Sister asked if H would go. I confidently responded with 'it's unlikely'. Why would he drive an hour to to commencement knowing we'd all be there? The mirror he's been avoiding for 2 years?
Surprise...H drove the hour. Alone. What?! Why would H attend nephew's graduation knowing that my entire family would be present? Just why? Why would H want to face everyone he hasn't engaged with for so long? And, I've not been speaking to him at engagements that we're both at (D's bday dinner, S's bday dinner, D's graduation). I know - MLC isn't logical. Still, it's a SMH moment.
School provided lunch after the commencement and H came right up to the table that D and I were sitting at with BIL and nephew/niece. H is quiet and wallowing. He shakes BIL's hand with an optimistic 'hello' and receives a lack of typical engagement from BIL. Uncomfortable for my family as they didn't expect him. D talks to him about the salmon being really tasty. H quietly walks away and right up to my mom. H greets her like nothing has happened and proceeds to grab lunch. Somebody wake me up from this nightmare. H grabs some lunch and goes to sit on the other side of the hall.
Somebody make this make sense!
D is stunned. Uncomfortable and unsure of why he'd attend. I had no good answers.
The next day is graduation party at brother's house. S comes in bright and early. He and I go through childhood memories that have been stored away in a tote. We reminisce and share some laughs. We make the requested mango guacamole and head over to the graduation party. It was a hit. BIL: you can make this again. YAY!
A couple hours into the party: D: I'm so glad he didn't come. Me: Who didn't come? I was so confused by her comment. D: Dad. Me: Ohhh, I said in surprise. Dad doesn't bother me. Don't let him bother you. If he came, I would have quietly excused myself. D and S: No response. They're observing and listening intently. No questions.
Took some of yesterday and today for me to find my center. I'm back.
Blew some left over fall/winter debris from around the perennials today. Washed some floors, ran a load of laundry and tidied up for the work week.
Every spring, we have birds who choose to build nests in the same spots. Checked in this afternoon - 3 robin eggs this year. So precious.
The rain stopped for 2 full days - finally was able to water the various tomato and pepper plants. LOL
Despite eating a hearty breakfast sandwich, I was ready for a lunch earlier than I thought. Sautéed some peppers and onions with some steak and chicken. So yummy and fresh. Still, I've been eating all afternoon and can't seem to satisfy this bottomless belly today.
