Thank you. The very next day he told me about taking money out of the equity he told me he changed his mind and I agreed. We shouldn't mess with the mortgage and raise the payment to something we both can't afford. We're golden right now as far as finances go. My plan was to pay this house off so we would eventually live rent free. I was open to discussing options with him only because I don't want to push him further away with resisting his wishes.
We seriously have had the best relationship in a long time. We've had talks we've never had before. He's opened up to me about his feelings and I have opened up to him with mine. I've been asking him about his work and praising him on everything he's accomplished, that it's not easy. I did notice the slight glint in his eyes and smirk when I said that. He's complemented me on my achievements too. It would be amazing if there wasn't this divorce knife hanging over my head. But every time I'm convinced we've made progress and he's starting to see I'm not the enemy, he brings up the house. I could see the sadness in his eyes yesterday at the dinner table. We were having a normal conversation. I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes. Not long after he said he had been thinking about the house again all day at work which made my heart sink again. If he's anxious and sad too then why does he want to go through with this? I get that he doesn't want to hurt me but doesn't that mean that he still feels something more than friendship for me? I'm reading all kinds of messed up things walk away spouses are doing to people they've been married to for years and my husband is nothing like that. I even asked him, what if you're still not happy after we're divorced? He said he will be.
It's hard to be upbeat and positive and attractive to him when I keep getting blow after blow. He keeps trying to comfort me when I break down, but he's very sensitive to guilt trips and I'm afraid I'm making him feel guilty so he won't want to be around me, even though he knows he's causing me all this pain and I'm doing my best to deal with it and respect his wishes.
He mentioned me moving back home to another country again. I said again, I couldn't be that far away from him. He said he didn't understand, that if someone said they didn't want to be with him he would just move on. I said you don't understand because you don't have this feeling that your heart is being ripped out if you can't see or be with someone you love. That I miss him even when he's gone for a week. He didn't know what to say to that. That probably didn't help my case or maybe why it's making him sad because he said so himself, he doesn't like to see me cry.
