Need insight

[DnJ]

Hello JoJo

Oh my, what a gut punch to wake up to. I know how lost you feel. (((Hugs)))

I told him I want everything I'm entitled to and I didn't want to lose the house as it's part of my retirement. He said we can go work with a mediator.

I’d speak with a lawyer, ASAP. Your lawyer. Your individual lawyer.

Then, let your lawyer deal with H. No more discussing D, or what you do or doing want. What you are entitled to. Etc. You do not know all your rights and entitlements, a lawyer does. Do not say or make any deals with H. And definitely, do not sign anything before your L looks it over.

I'll lose my health insurance and base privileges.

I don’t believe so. H will likely be legally obligated to continue coverage, or provide coverage, for you. (Depending upon years of marriage, local laws, etc.) It’s stuff like that, the insurance (and such), that a lawyer knows. Have a L working for just you to sort it all out.

A lawyer can tell you your rights and entitlements. Your best case, worse case, and likely case outcomes. And what can and cannot be negotiated or waived.

This is the business side of the situation. Keep the business side and emotional/healing side separate. When dealing with business matters, stick to business. And since we LBS are usually hurting and pretty attached fresh after bomb drop, having a trusted lawyer representing you is so very valuable.

This is likely the biggest financial decision of your life. And you got a lot of life left to fund.

Don’t fret. This doesn’t negate divorce busting. It’s just business. Go dark. Employ the LRT. Focus on you. H has to burn through his feelings before he can turn back. Give him time and space. Lots! Enough to choke on!

There's no plans of him moving out any time soon, he mentioned over a year at least, so I don't understand why papers need to be filed right now.

A year! Nope! I’d kick him out.

He filed for divorce. He sleeps in the spare bedroom or couch or bus station. Anywhere but the master bedroom. He’s the one who wants out of the marriage, he’s the one who leaves.

He says he has a plan to make himself feel better and healthier and one of the steps is to get out of this marriage. So he gets healthier and ruins my health because all I wanna do is die.

Again. Nope! Screw his plan! Your health is number one priority here! You are number one priority!

Talk with a L. Find out your rights.

My goodness, a year of H holding a divorce threat over your head. I suggest you turn that around right away. If he stays, while he stays, be roommates. Period. He sleeps in a different room. In house separation is very difficult. As counterintuitive as it sounds, it is usually better if they move out. The chances of reconciling are higher.

He keeps telling me I'm a great person and I just feel like a failure that I didn't read the signs. If I'm so great then why am I the problem???

Jo, you are not the problem.

I’ve been right where you are. Oh my, why do we LBS’ blame ourselves. Our spouse wants to leave, and we blame ourselves. Our spouse cheats, and we blame ourselves.

Do not drink his poison.



I am sorry H pulled the rug out on you. Have faith, you will be ok.

(((Hugs)))

D