Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[grok]

I have been debating buying a new bike while I’ve been into this fitness thing . You have single handedly shattered my dream .

OH NO! Hey bkerchik, Maybe you would be a better one to tell Caligirl bikes are great fun and very safe. Great for fitness...especially with joints that are not those of a 20 yr old. Ha.

IER nurses are cute I was dying laughing - just a word of advice . Nurses are cute . ... A bit mentally unstable too . Stay far away !!!

**wry smile** I have heard this warning before ... in mens forums. This Is Known. For me, I was just enjoying practice drawing out a conversation with the ladies. and noticing cute. Since, well, for 25 years in my dedication staying married to XW I had substantially turned off that part of me.

Are you okay with your wife coming into your house when you're away? (I knew there was an arrangement when you travel). Are you okay with her using your laundry and sleeping on your couch?

I feel parts minorly offended because… who does this? LOL I feel parts bemused… who does this? LOL They have been anomalies in her overall behavior of generally staying out of the house or using its facilities.

I …. Made peace with it to a great degree back when I accepted XW’s access to the house as part of our settlement. This was an implicit trade I made to ensure the children stayed together in their home. Initially, two years ago, in addition to being able to stay in the house when I traveled for work, she proposed to use the house during the weekdays when I wasn’t there to complete schooling of the younger two. And she had no place for them to live with her. I accepted this access for schooling purposes, … and so the kids had some time with their mother.

I could have taken a harder line and come to a more traditional split the kids scenario agreement. I chose to accept her proposed "temporary" solution... I could see ahead how this would likely play out in the long run. And sure enough, two years later, they all still live 100% with me, together. This I chose for me and for them.

XW....I'm sure she has her own reasons. I don't worry about them. Some may look at this as enabling "cake eating" on her part. She doesn't pay for them, house them, or even mostly parent them (from my view). Shrug. When I chose to have children, MY vow was to care for them and launch them successfully. It wasn't conditional on XW's behavior or presence or funding.

Why didn't you text your kids or your XW when they weren't home when you thought they would be. Seems like you needed to go a little further than just checking their location. Not a hard text to confirm with her right?

You are right. I could have texted to confirm. It didn't occur to me that it would be needed. Perhaps this is based on patterns from married life and I need to drop hidden expectations and assumptions. Why didn't it occur to me?...

To enable the custody arrangement above, I agreed that XW had access to children pretty much whenever she wanted so long as there wasn't something else already planned. To me this can mean considerable variance in when they arrive home. If they are with her, that is OK, unless we had agreed on a specific time that day. We didn't have any agreed on time that day... So when departure time arrived and they were still with XW, both I and D20 independently assumed she would bring them with her. After all, why would she drop them off when we were all going to the same place?

g

Recover - Subsets

... ambient, chillout, and downtempo style

... ethereal soundscapes, soft piano melodies, and subtle electronic beats

the cover depicts a small, solitary sapling with sparse leaves growing in a barren, rocky landscape. The ground is a mix of dark soil and scattered rocks, with patches of faint, pale grass or moss. In the background, a blurred, rolling hill or mountain is visible under a muted sky with soft gradients of light blue and gray, suggesting an overcast or early morning setting. The overall tone is desaturated and somber, evoking themes of resilience and growth in a harsh environment, which aligns with the introspective, atmospheric mood of the song.