Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[grok]

Thanks V, and... I don't exempt myself from the issues described that the LBS often has. The "you" does apply to me also. Devil is in the details for my sitch. Lots of provoked thoughts...maybe time to type another day.

spring XW interactions - pt 1

So.... My impression is since mid-January my XW has done some sort of reset of herself. Around that time she sent me a message stating how she would now pick up S13 every weekday a 9:00 and take him to her workshop for his schooling. Along with a number of other declarative statements. Has she? well.... Not exactly ... But she has picked him up most weekdays for some hours. S13 has definitely been grumpier about having to do school work in a no distraction environment...LOL. Her stopping by at the curb to say goodnight to our young ones has gotten more regular also.

Our communication is limited. I have remained pretty dark. I think for my own sake. When we have messaged or talked, she seems to assume know a lot more about what is going on in her life than I do. I have not looked for information at all about what she is doing. I do not ask the kids about her either. I listen if they want to say anything.

Gym meets and XW uses washing machine

I a fit of irritation a year plus ago I renamed the family text chat group to "Child Coordination" instead of "Family," and I've left it that way ever since. The irritation was driven by how I felt about her coming back from the state mandated parenting class and happily spouting the idea presented that, "Oh, we are still a family, just one with two homes and living separately."

Last month XW messaged the group, "I can't take her to the upcoming meet. Someone else will have to." and left it at that. To these type missives, I will reply "OK" or D19 will hit it with a thumbs up. D19 and I have an understanding that she and I will work out how to take care of whatever it is. In this case I'll drive and D19 will help do D18's hair. D19 has other obligations but will drive down late with a friend. XW has completely stopped doing D18's meet hair (She had done it for 10+ years...) I don't know if that was by D18's choice or XW's choice.

I look up the meet info and find it is about a two-hour drive south of us. D18's group starts at ~6pm ... So it will be a late night.
G, "Hey S13, you are coming with us to D18's gymnastics meet. We'll be back late Saturday night."
S13, "Daaaaad, do I have to?" yes, he has to. no sitting home along on the computer for eight hours while we are gone....
G, "S13, I trust you here alone and you would be OK, but I don't want you here by yourself."

While at the meet I receive in the group chat a message from XW. "Would you like me to let the dogs out since you will be back late?"

Hmmmm.... I pondered a response for a few minutes. Where had this come from? I replied, "Yes, the dogs will appreciate not having to wait past their normal time."

A short time later my phone alerts. The thumbnail shows XW arriving. I don't think anything of it. Doorbell alerts continue and I figure dogs are getting a short walk. Then....20 minutes go by and another alert. I'm a little curious thinking it might be an Amazon delivery or something. When I look...it is XW leaving. ??? What then was that 20 minute gap? I scroll back through the alerts and my eye catches something at the beginning. That looks like XW carrying in a laundry basket. Huh. Was she loading laundry during that gap?

So I wait. Sure enough ... About an hour and a half later I get another alert. I see it is XW. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. Not really offended. A little bit amused. I check the indoor cameras. She is not downstairs. She has not entered the MB. The light is on beside the upstairs laundry room. After 10 minutes she leaves again. ... and back again in another hour apparently to pick up the dry laundry.

Huh. ...

D18 takes 2nd overall at her level. Well done!

We make it home before midnight.
....
I take D18 to the meet the next weekend also. Surprise! 2.5 hrs north instead of south this time. D18 was sad and dealing with worse performance. She didn't make regionals because of this meet. She questioned what all her effort was for and I tried to listen and validate.

Sometimes it feels like the sound of winter blowing through me.

The Sound of Winter - Bush on the album The Sea of Memories

Mind strong, body strong
Try to find equilibrium
Head straight, screwed on
We screwed up for too long
I don't want to lean on the waves
I watched the storm evaporate
I think of you and starry skies
That keeps you so alive

It's all in your face
I see a break
It's like the sound of winter
The bleeding of love
The silent escape
You've got to hang on to yourself
It's like the sound of winter


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