Feeling hopeless

[bkerchik]

I don’t know if I’m going this quote thing right or not. I’m doing this on my phone so I have more control over things.

That no matter how earnest my XW seemed to be, she was knowingly or unknowingly trying to get me to do what was to her advantage and to to alleviate any guilt she had for her choices. It is disconcerting to be unable to rely on discussing important issues with the one person you thought you could trust implicitly.

This has been so disheartening. I was having trouble with work right before BD and he offered to help me look around for a new job. Did he really want to “help” or just want to find a job where I could make more money.

I told him I had a lawyer I was going to use to help me through mitigation. He couldn’t figure out why. Well, I don’t know what I don’t know and I don’t trust myself signing something that will affect my life this much without help. He says well it’s my life too. By then I knew better, so I told him he could get his own lawyer then too. He says but it’s just so expensive. Yep dude, it is. You want this not me. I didn’t say that I just agreed. Yes, it will be expensive.

After making life decisions together for 25 years it’s hard to understand.

The sadness comes in waves. Wondering how I will get through Easter without losing it. Trying to only open my mouth when talked to or in response to something about the D’s. He’s been offering up information and asking what my day looks like. We are both in sales so day to day changes and we need to make sure someone can pick up or D from wherever. Normally that would something I do. Certainly not reading into it but I think it’s interesting.

Any ideas for 180’s?

Thanks for everyone’s input! I’m so glad I found you all!