Welcome and so sad you find yourself here. What sort of bike are we talking about? And how did you pick this user name?
How are you feeling today? I see DnJ and job are giving you great advice as they are passing on their hard earned knowledge.
As suggested, follow the advice to let out whatever you are feeling each day, just in the time and place of your choosing. Don’t keep it in. Vent here as much as you want. Don’t feel bad about it or guilty for “complaining.” LET IT OUT. Because it WILL come out and HAVE to be felt sometime or other anyway. Here people understand.
Originally Posted by bkerchik
And bam, in January he BD. I was shocked and in despair, the usual. I thought things were getting better!
Yeah, it seems to be a common thing. The WAS goes quiet and seems better/friendlier and then BD. The explanation I remember is they feel better after picking a direction. They had already given up the R. And no, it’s often not fair when the LBS seemingly had no chance to address the issues. Seemingly. In closer inspection though, the WAS had been trying to give off signals that they needed change. Do they do it well or clearly? No, quite often not. But in their minds they had been trying…
Originally Posted by bkerchik
I did all the wrong things of course. And I did dig into his phone.
Ah, that snooping! I did some too. And in a ton of hours digging through the archives here there are many insightful commenters on the value or not of snooping. Generally it is NOT advised. Why? Because the damage to you when you find details will most times far outweigh the advantage in intel you gain.
Does the knowledge of H having at least an EA with someone change what you need to do? Nope. The only exception I’ve seen in the archives is those who advocated for hard and fast A busting. That will not get your H back. Any future possible reconnection cannot happen with an ongoing A though.
Originally Posted by bkerchik
He doesn’t want to leave until June when our D(17) is done with school.
. But he says oh don’t worry the kids will be fine.
And he only wanted me tell one person other than my therapist.
….
He says, he says, he says…. SO WHAT? Understand he is NOT on team bkerchik right now. This was one of the hardest things for me to wrap my head around. That no matter how earnest my XW seemed to be, she was knowingly or unknowingly trying to get me to do what was to her advantage and to to alleviate any guilt she had for her choices. It is disconcerting to be unable to rely on discussing important issues with the one person you thought you could trust implicitly. You will have to make up your own mind about each of these and more things. What is bkerchik’s independent opinion? Ask away here for outside opinions.
One of the things I found most useful here is R2C’s threads of quotes from the forums here. I don’t think it is in the pinned threads. This is the 14th one and in the first post are links to the other 13. I recommend going back through them and following the link back to the original thread if it resonates.
