I am so sorry you are here, but you will find a wealth of information to read that will help you along the way. The posters are at various stages of dealing with their spouses who are either in MLC or Walk Aways.
First and foremost, you are not at fault for his thinking that he is unhappy. Sounds to me like he is on the "edge" of having a MLC. He's the right age and is using the band as a way to take the edge off the feelings of unhappiness. Has something happened in the last year or so? Death in the family or a friend/co-worker? Has he had a health issue or lost a job? Generally, something will trigger the feelings that he is having.
I suggest that you read everything that you can about depression and MLC. Since he is on the "edge" of a crisis, you cannot do a thing about it. If you attempt to stop the crisis, he will go into another one at a later date. I know that this is very difficult for you. I would listen and observe. Do not offer up advice unless he asks for it. He may talk about moving out and may not do it unless he is pressured by you and his home life. The best thing you can do is leave him alone. Try to keep the focus on you and your family.
If you haven't already done this, set up a separate bank account for yourself. Check the credit cards and if they are joint, you need to think about removing your name from them. Why? Because if he is getting ready to enter into a full-blown crisis, he will not hesitate to spend money like it is water and may remove you from the accounts. Some do this and make it very difficult for the left behind spouse to get any money from their spouses. Once they enter the crisis, they become very self-centered and selfish, and it is all about them. You, your family, pets and home will no longer be his world. His world will become a younger version of himself until his crisis is over.
Again, keep the focus on you and your family. Listen and observe. If you listen closely, he may give you clues as to where his head is at presently. Protect your assets. Do not think for one minute that he's going to continue as he has been in paying the bills, etc., once he's in crisis. You will become the sane one who will need to be strong throughout this crisis storm.
Continue to come here to post. Do not share any information that you have or receive about the crisis with him. This is your safe place to post.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
