Yeah the attachment stuff is new to me. But in the early parts of our relationship the way I described it in my head was that I was the more secure one and W was more insecure. I now think I fall on the nice guy, anxious side although my IC says I am handling all this in quite a secure way.
I think dealing with a spouse going through a personal crisis, especially while children are in the picture, is enough to tip anyone towards anxious so don't be feeling too bad about that.
My wife appears to be Dismissive Avoidant from what I can see but I haven't discussed and don't think she is aware.
The problem I find is the path to healing and being more secure is expressing needs, communicating assertively, stating boundaries, all of which is a bit counter to DB and also in my case, (possibly in yours too?) more than our spouse can handle while in a crisis.
I really get what you say about looking back over the years and now seeing things we were blind to at the time, the unaddressed issues in the relationship or areas where we shrunk ourselves without even realising it.
Great job on keeping a peaceful home for the children. You're obviously prioritising them. I feel for you.
