Wow, has it been almost a month since my last post?! The month has been.... a time of consolidating myself. Of focusing inward and being present. Of feeling and contemplating as the two-year mark approached. That night of March 27 that kicked it all off when she said she wanted a separation, that she had "feelings" for another man. I didn't sleep at all that night. I left before anyone was up, drove to a local preserve, then started walking/hiking until after dark the next day.
Of course, at the time I did not know she was MUCH further along down that road or ... as this text editor just suggested to me ... that rabbit hole. I wondered and watched myself for thoughts and feelings that would surface this month. Many have. And then I realized on Saturday the 29th ... that date of terror had passed ... a few days ago.
Ha! I have been busy LIVING. I'll call that a marker of progress.
Discussion at work
Sitting at work, at a coworker's desk so as to log into a network not available at my desk, I was listening to the conversation around me between coworkers I don't' know well. Two men and one woman. Not young and not old since this is a place for skilled and experienced people. It was about relationships, Divorces, etc...
G, "I have learned a lot about these things over the last two years. Things I never expected to need to be smart about. Maybe I should have been growing and learning about these things...
Man 1, "Financially, people take a big hit if you split." G, "True. I will never catch up on investments. I had been thinking about why that is. If you take a typical professional couple's assets they will fall out something like 30% in the house, 10% cash/savings, 60% investments/retirement. In my divorce 50% is mine and I kept the house and children. So my share is the 30% house, 5% cash, 15% of the investments. With compounding, that 15% investments will never catch up to 60% it was before."
Man 2, "Some men never recover themselves." G, nods and just thinks. His statement echos what my best man said to me when we reconnected last year. "G, I see so many men get stuck after a divorce. They cannot see that there is more life out there. I'm so glad to see you are working forward."
And it seems to tie in with the red-pill community notion that men are actually the more romantic and idealistic ones ... women the more mercenary. Men often seem to recover much slower than women who seem to move right on to the next man who "conquers" them.
Which lead to a discussion of why and the effects of rampant social media use, the attendant ego inflation because of attention, and I introduced new words - hypergamy and solipsism.
When snooping, I found my XW demonstrated hypergamy with her statement to OM, "I didn't know I could attract someone like you. I should have had higher standards before.". That pierced. Even when I know for our first two years together, she was a mess, emotionally and otherwise. I spent the time as her rock and she stabilized.
The latter concept illustrated by the story of how Legos eventually was successful at selling products for little girls. It had to do with when little boys played a character, some Lego minifig, The LITTLE BOY took on the CHARACTER'S TRAITS. When little girls play a character, some Lego minifig, The CHARACTER takes on the little GIRL'S TRAITS.
Also illustrated by a meme making the rounds. A man and a woman take a picture of some scene of interest. The man's picture is of the scene only. The woman's picture is of her, with the scene in the background. Both consider it a picture of the scene. For her, the scene is only important in the relationship to her or the status it gives her. For the man, the scene is interesting in and of itself.
The female co-worker is nodding her head to this.
Continued DB reading
The latest...thread series by ScottB - WAW Hired a Divorce Coach.
I'm not finished yet. Many strong advisors in this series - LH19, Ginger1, SteveLW, Traveler, Ready2Change, Steve85, Sandi2, bttrfly, ... And many more.
There are also great linked threads such as "WAS Script" which is about the script elements and how to respond, often counterintuitively, to those elements.
