Hi, I see a lot of similarities in our situations and I think you are wrestling with some of the same issues I am.
I've been diving into a lot of audiobooks and podcasts like you, attachment styles, relationships, parenting and like you, I have found that gaining an understanding doesn't really solve anything. We can still only control ourselves.
But on the flipside of that, how do we get what we want in a relationship without communicating it. Open communication is the most basic expectation in a relationship and I think you are right not to expect anything less. I think my biggest issue with DBing is the turning away from direct, assertive communication and instead giving space - it still feels so counter intuitive at this stage.
A huge issue I'm struggling with is the balance between what is best for the kids. On one the hand stability of not moving from home and having access to both parents against the damage of growing up in a family with poor relational/family dynamics.
I see you have been through both situations and are choosing to try for your relationship to work. After listening to a good audiobook (Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters) I am just about leaning towards the same - giving it more time.
You talk about attachment styles - is this something you have discussed with your H? Is he aware of the concept or of his own attachment style?
"Many of us come here because we are so lost and sometimes just unable to process what has been or is going on in our marriages." - I feel this - the last few weeks I have really been coming to terms with a lot of things that just are not what I thought they were... It shakes up our world. But in some ways it opens our eyes to things we were wrong about.
