Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[grok]

Haha - 10 of 18! But who's counting? You're seeing the light. Good for you!

Who’s Counting?

Well.... Counting in a sense, though certainly not waiting to live and love life. It is ~25% of my income so counting in the sense of there isn’t lots of disposable spare cash while maintaining a similar level of life the kids are used to. I’m also paying 100% of D18 and S13’s expenses. D19 pays me each month such that I only pay for ~25% of her living expenses.

On the other hand, XW sent back about half of the payments and requested they be put against the car debt I had accepted. So… after the 18 payments are done my cash flow will be markedly more positive. No alimony and the car debt gone.

Making Plans

It’s already earmarked for various things. Supporting D18’s college plans. D19 wants to get a project car and fix it with me. We are considering a Mazda Miata (MX5) since I have experience with those or a Chevy Corvette (Vrooooom Vroooom D19 squeals). A motorcycle for me since it has been 10+ years …. I sold my last one because I couldn’t fit it and all the family $$ and responsibilities both. I lost a little piece of me in that.

leaving expectations behind

XW did not like it when I remarked at mediation that I was unwilling to subsidize her (choices). Internally I had decided only I was willing to do limited alimony so my children could have their teacher and transportation while I have a full-time day job. I know what she was capable of doing/earning. I she had pressed I would have pressed an imputed income claim.

She of course took it in ways not intended so she could be offended. Yeah, all those reasons we are told to drink that STFU smoothie.

I am doing my best to have no expectations of XW and set up my life that way. For my own heart. Thus what you read above.

So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine

Farther Along - Josh Garrels

Tempted and tried, I wondered why
The good man dies, the bad man thrives
And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both
We’re all cast-aways in need of rope
Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope
…
There's so much more to life than we’ve been told
It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down to the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness, alright

[Chorus]
Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by

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