Still detaching and embracing my new normal

[MamaG]

My question is... what do they think is happening? Is Mom and Dad taking space? In the grand scheme of things - what's changed? Your H hasn't been moving towards the marriage in two years. It seems the only thing that has shifted is YOU because you were served a major truth bomb.

I'm not sure what they think is happening but I certainly appreciate these words, "I'm accepting your dad's decision and acting accordingly." I like this response.

I now have confirmation of what I've suspected. Of what I've been preparing to hear/see. Of what I've fought to believe. And, yes I've been living life without H for some time. And, now I continue to live without H for some time. It's his crisis and he'll get through it at his own pace. What's changed? Reality. A gut punch. An awakening. Shock. Disbelief. A wake-up call.

Par for the course.

I also question this. If anything - you could have separated his phone line from the other 3. Putting all the responsibility on H seems like an act of retaliation. You don't want to pay for his relationship with OW - that's fine. Drop his line from the rest.

Agree. I'm not feeling too proud of. And, I'm perfectly happy with adding this to his list of bills. I'm no longer his sugar mama like he often referred to me. Never liked that term and like it even less now.

6. Block him on Social Media or get off social media for awhile.

Despite not having social media, just last night, I learned that H is no longer wearing his wedding band. He was tagged in a photo 5 days after I sent him the roses delivery confirmation.

And another gut punch. I know. I know. Actions not symbols.

I've been dusting myself off and getting up again. Plenty of practice lately.

I think you want it in the open to ensure your words and actions are interpreted correctly; so the kids understand where you are coming from, why you are doing what you are; so they know the path you’re on, your values and morals, etc.

Consistent demonstrated behaviour. Have faith, how you live your life will shine and show your kids far better than words will.

This resonates. I've come to terms that I don't need to tell them....at least not right now. The weight has lightened. TY for this. And, yes, inner feelings have 'muted' some. Some. I have pretty consistently decided to inform him that I'd like to give him his divorce. And, have been thinking through approach and words.

Logic and reason. Are you lying or is H? Who is really living disingenuously?

Truth!! Pun intended.

I talked with a friend I've confided in. She's been team MG since day one and supported of my wishes. After the affair info, she is talking about serving him. I don't believe she's coming from a place of bias. More a place of 'enough is enough' and 'this was your boundary...where you drew the line.'

I gave it thought all weekend and wasn't totally ready to file. Wonder if I've been pressing myself to tell the kids about affair because I was pretty ready to file. Both urges have subsided.

Today, I'm ready to put a plan together for moving towards dissolving the future of our M.

DnJ, your example of telling the kids about your dad hit home. I imagine that you stopped each of them in their tracks. Tracks of simple life events that stopped in an instant. What choice did you have? None. The point being that I have a choice. I still like, "I'm accepting your dad's decision and acting accordingly."

D and I held several conversations about her and BF. And, she happened to notice that our family pics were off the wall. On a couple occasions, she's asked why now. It was easy to just give a stare the first time - she saw I wasn't going to share. The second time, I responded with, "I"m not ready to say it out loud."

That should be a strong hint.

I now sit in silence to map out the order in which actions take place. Words to use. How to end a M I really loved.

Do I just send him an email? Is that cold? It feels so un-adult like. Yet, I don't want to be talked out of it.

Suggestions on email....
Hi H, I've taken time to reflect and I'm accepting the decisions you've made and acting accordingly.

Below are some items in flight.

The tax file was dropped off at the accountants. They only need Form 1098 to complete our return. I'm hopeful that you've been able to take care of that.

For over two years, I've been covering the monthly fees for all four lines since you first informed me of your wish to separate. As of Feb, the billing address has been updated to your home. I'm working on removing my cell phone line from the family account.

I'm also working with the car insurance company to complete the plate and title transfers for the vehicles by the end of this month. This will allow us to obtain separate insurance policies when the policy renews on 4/1. You'll be receiving an email from the insurance company soon.

As agreed, I funded the excise taxes at the Town of <Town Name> for 3 of our vehicles, as you offered to fund the excise taxes for the car you were billed for.

With respect to dissolving our marriage, I'd like to attempt mediation first? I hope we can get through this with mutual respect and avoid unnecessary attorney and court fees.

Regards,
MG

(It felt good to write that! and then I cried in disbelief. Am I ready for this?)