25 strength

[DnJ]

Hi Rock

I think it better I go solo to the party and enjoy myself as a confident and principled man who can enjoy my own company and have a great time with colleagues.

I agree.

I am glad you recognized those fleeting “larger than they really are” feelings.

Confident and principled. That’s how I think of you after these years of us talking.

D

[Rockon]

Saturday morning to myself. Hints of spring today but could be more winter to come. Overcast and mild temperatures. Quiet. Almost mowed my lawn a couple weeks ago before snow and ice cover.

Had a great time away last weekend with youngest S, D and D’s fiancé. We had some wedding planning conversations and a ton of fun with recreation, laughter, singing, games and good food.

I have been detaching more this year - really it’s been about a year - and I continue to GAL.

This week, after not answering several texts that didn’t need a response, I agreed to have a phone conversation with W. She had asked if we could talk on the phone. I updated her on some aspects of S’s health and care, being open and honest. She became upset that I had not told her one of the details about his health earlier and said, “you can’t push me out of our family.” … I didn’t take that bait.

Outcome of our conversation: we have decided to resume weekly phone conversations about S and to use a shared calendar about his appointments. I am reminded that she had told me that only talking to her about S was ridiculous and that whoever had advised me to do that was crazy. Honestly, I don’t want to talk to her at all. However I want to be responsible and to communicate effectively about what is important. I have listened to sage board members here and I’ve stopped looking for reasons to stay in constant contact with her. Suppose that was a 180.

The call was uncomfortable but I immediately put it on the back burner and haven’t given it conscious thought til now. It was there with some things to process and this weekend presents an opportunity to do some of that with this good cup of coffee.

Tonight, I party with my work colleagues. I look and feel great. I’m happy and healthy and am really looking forward to the planned event. I’m glad I don’t have a date. That would just really not fit with where I am at.

[Valeska19]

This week, after not answering several texts that didn’t need a response, I agreed to have a phone conversation with W. She had asked if we could talk on the phone. I updated her on some aspects of S’s health and care, being open and honest. She became upset that I had not told her one of the details about his health earlier and said, “you can’t push me out of our family.” … I didn’t take that bait.

I'm glad you didn't take the bait AND i agree that she might have a reason for being upset about your son's health seeing that he has special needs.

Outcome of our conversation: we have decided to resume weekly phone conversations about S and to use a shared calendar about his appointments. I am reminded that she had told me that only talking to her about S was ridiculous and that whoever had advised me to do that was crazy. Honestly, I don’t want to talk to her at all. However I want to be responsible and to communicate effectively about what is important. I have listened to sage board members here and I’ve stopped looking for reasons to stay in constant contact with her. Suppose that was a 180.

I'm really glad you make this decision for YOU. It doesn't matter how your wife responds or participates in the care... you can go to bed peacefully knowing that you did not allow your anger, hurt or "want to not engage" dictate your actions. You will not be the reason why your wife doesn't show up for your son.

This was a high road choice. One that will have to be made many times. Also one that will not cause no regrets.

Kudos Rock.

[Rockon]

Thank you V. I logged back on here after a good breakfast with S reflecting there was quite a bit more to the phone conversation - and yes I rest easy with my responses and words.

It’s not easy and no quick fixes to any of this.

[Rockon]

Had a great time last weekend for the company party. It was so nice to let loose and have good natured fun and feel great about it. This last weekend was also really good. Family time with my kids around and grilling on the deck.

Having detached more and more, I am really enjoying life and not worried about her. We haven’t talked since that last exchange.

I still have moments where feelings flit as DnJ says, but they have not been derailing me.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Rock

Glad to see things are going smoothly; enjoying life, letting go.

I’m jealous. Grilling on the deck. I’ve got a couple of feet of snow to melt first.

Have a great day!

D

[Rockon]

Hang in there D, here’s to grilling weather for you hopefully sooner than later.

[grok]

Rock,

My kids are all urging me to get a grill to put on the back door lanai (covered porch for those not in FL). It's just about always grilling weather. I'm a noob at that though. A 180 for me? Any recommendations? A co-worker specked out a $500 one that makes everything easy supposedly...

g

[Rockon]

Yes go simple and quality and really you can YouTube some experts. Ready2Ch what say you…

But it’s just the best

[Rockon]

Ok today was interesting. Realized how not indifferent I am.

OM walked right in front of me out in community in my hometown. I’ve never met him but recognized him.

I called him out. Asked what he was doing here and told him to leave.

He said this is a public restaurant and I’m going here for lunch.

I told him , “ no im going for lunch here and you need to leave now,” with no friendliness in my voice.

He left. I kept my cool and enjoyed the afternoon.

I was very agitated - called my best friend and later my pastor.

I’m back to doing great this evening, Jazz in playing and I made a nice dinner for S and I