My two cents: Don’t tell the kids. And let H do the heavy lifting.
Originally Posted by MG
Thanks to this group, I know I can make it without H. It's my babies. My adult babies. Both of which continue to hold onto the idea of their family.
Originally Posted by DnJ
That being said, at some point I agree you should/would tell the kids. When is that point? When it is needed. When it serves. When it isn’t done out of retribution or retaliation.
It never seems to be the right time to tell the kids.
D and BF have gone their separate ways. "Mom, I'm not going to do what you're doing. I'm going to move on." Ouch!
S is traveling for week 4 in a row and was sent to the next travel destination w/o even a stop at home base. Telling him over the phone doesn't feel right. Telling him on travel doesn't feel right.
As for me, I want to tell them. I don't know why. Still haven't been able to explain it to myself. Why do I want this in the open? Any ideas? All I can come up with is that my actions are shifting and I don't know how else to explain it to the kids.
Originally Posted by MG
Today, I made an update that informed my H via an auto text (from the cell phone company) that the billing address has been updated. I've been paying for the 4 cell phones. Not anymore. He can pick up that tab now.
Cell phone bill is overdue. Not paid. I'm seeing the threat of the phones being shut off. I'll let S and D deal with him when that happens.
Naturally, the kids will ask why now? Why now did I switch the billing? Well...I'm done funding his expenses, especially expenses that support a R with OW. (Can't say that bc they don't know!)
Originally Posted by DnJ
Such truth darts do sometimes dislodge these stuck folks. It might get H moving again. To what end, well it’s his path. Time will tell.
It's been crickets here. The wedding was last weekend. He left on Friday right after hearing that his father had been taking to the ER for fainting. They wouldn't discharge him without inserting a pacemaker. Yup, H went to the wedding. AND, didn't tell the kids (nor me) that his dad was in the hospital. H's sister texted the kids on Sunday afternoon.
H made it around to tell the kids about his dad being in the hospital on Tuesday morning - 4 days later.
D then asked how the wedding was at which point his demeanor changed. He sent a couple pics of himself. "I clean up nice, don't I?"
Arrogance and uber-confidence from his 20s still lives on....or at least that's the mask he's showing the kids.
On the day of surgery, D calls H to get an update only to learn that H is at work and not at the hospital. "I had to come to work."
Originally Posted by DnJ
H, while you are involved with OW, you are not involved with me. I will not speak with you, visit with you, nor have you over at my house.
Haven't had to worry about this boundary much...still no word from H. Not even info sharing of a man whom I called dad for 32 years.
Originally Posted by Valeska
Time and space away from your H will help you find the answer. You are either going to say "I can live with this" or "I can't". But that decision requires you to be centered and living in your moral code.
It requires you to be 100% focused on your well being.
How will I know? I still miss H. I'm still lonely and sad. Heartbroken. The kids not knowing weighs on me. I feel like I'm lying to them.
Sitting still and not taking action feels wrong. Impatient? Decided to move forward? I can't get it straight in my head.
