I think it’s hard when people post because sometimes I come to vent . So you do not always get to see the entire picture .
Whist I agree we don't get the full picture. I do think we get a pretty good one.
Originally Posted by Caligirl
Do I think 9 months ago H had an eye opener . Yes . Do I think he overshares a bit of the opposite. He buried , buried and buried , then ignored , then ran a muck until it exploded . He almost lost a kid and the rest of his family in a matter of weeks . He has said this over and over . I almost lost everything . I have no idea how I would do this without you.
How do you reconcile ^^^ with your original post to us about 6 months ago when he was planning on moving out and needed to"be alone". Especially given your last conversation when he said "somedays he doesn't want to be married".
Originally Posted by Caligirl
. He checks in a lot . I honestly don’t even know what I need from him. I know there are many things he’s working on . A year ago he would have never said he’s working on communication and said I hurt his ego . It’s not that there isn’t improvement. I’ve just become a bit hard hearted I would say .
I don't think you have become hard hearted. I think you have become protective and rightfully so.
9 months ago the affair ended. 6 months ago was a BD. And all of this was happening when he was "improving". All of this happened when you believed things were getting better.
That doesn't just shatter your trust with your H. It shatters your trust with yourself. And it's the second that takes the most work to rebuild.
To me - that's the turmoil you experience. It's doesn't feel like its about the kids. It feels like yet again your H is showing improvement but unlike last time - you are not going to "make the same mistake". You are not going to assume pure motives behind the change... and by you - I mean your inner you that's protecting you.
So the million dollar question is - will you ever be able to trust your H again?
And that's not something you have to answer today. It's only been been 6 months since bomb drop.
But that's what I see here. Not someone who is venting... but someone who doesn't know the answer of if she will ever be able to let go and trust again. So she swings between defending H and being angry with him.
And although your H can help this by changing and continuing to improve... ultimately the final work (and probably the hardest work) will be done by you. The work to find out and accept YOUR answer.
When you're ready.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
