So when I first began posting and up until about a month ago . I swayed the truth on a few things in fear of him coming across the site . At this point 5 years in . He’s never seen it . Has not had any clue . And honestly if he sees my posts so be it .
Both were married in our late teens or early 20s (him at 19) me at 21. Both had 2 children from those marriages . My older are 21 and 19 his 17 and 16. We have two children together 10 and 11.
My first marriage very different . Married young . Had two children quickly . Went down hill as fast . I spilt . Ex H has little to no contact with children and on occasion will be a thorn that I have learned to ignore . In his 40s still lives at home with his mommy and support has been minimal or non existent. It took a very big toll on my older children as he for years told them it was my fault we spilt . He’s a bum . We will leave it at that .
H - a bit different . Got married way young . Nothing per se was wrong with her . Just felt like it was not a good match . Divorced . Caused utter chaos in his family . Family was in an uproar about it . Children were very small when they spilt . His parents never forgave him for the spilt . Hence the poor relationship with his father. Even years later some how the father blames me for them not ever getting back together . Though last year or so I think they have come to terms with it. He maintained 50/50 custody . Provides support , insurance and they are actively involved in everything we do . Vacations and what not . Never excluded .
The two small children we have obviously are ours together .
The children have always been raised as a little wolf pack . Never looked at each other as half siblings or step siblings .
If I’m gonna let it all out . 9 months ago it was not an event with a friend . One of the older children ended up in the hospital for an extended amount of time . I had warned H for months he was spiraling and I wouldn’t say it was brushed off but it wasn’t addressed . I had some pretty harsh words to H prior to this and told him what was gonna happen . And it unfolded pretty much that way . This was also when I told H on top of what was going on with one of the older children that I knew he was cheating and to keep that crap away from me and the kids . His chaos effected everyone .
In the mist of the child going home weeks later after admission , I get BD in same week . Unfortunately in this situation the child needed one stable home and I wasn’t willing to take that away . So yes did I back burner . Absolutely. Do I regret it , not one second . I’ve come to terms with my home may be the only “Normal home “ they have to go to . Even if it is 50 percent of the time . They need that stability of Sunday morning breakfast and Friday night family night . Family vacations .
The inner turmoil is just that . I choose myself or I choose somewhat of stability for the kids . The kids win every single time I look at it .
Do I think H is a spoiled brat with an ego . 100 percent ! Did he cheat on the first wife with multiple women . Yeppers .
Can I say I see a 75 percent change in him - yes . Did he apologize at length for his ego the other night and his non sense . Pretty much all weekend .
I think it’s hard when people post because sometimes I come to vent . So you do not always get to see the entire picture . Usually every night he’s involved if not working - that I know is a change. He does ask what I need help with because that is just him . He can walk passed a pile on the floor and it doesn’t bother him but me it does . I do get on occasion some communication if he’s out of I know this isn’t easy for you , I love you . He checks in a lot . I honestly don’t even know what I need from him. I know there are many things he’s working on . A year ago he would have never said he’s working on communication and said I hurt his ego . It’s not that there isn’t improvement. I’ve just become a bit hard hearted I would say .
It’s hard coming to terms with where you are at .
Do I think 9 months ago H had an eye opener . Yes . Do I think he overshares a bit of the opposite. He buried , buried and buried , then ignored , then ran a muck until it exploded . He almost lost a kid and the rest of his family in a matter of weeks . He has said this over and over . I almost lost everything . I have no idea how I would do this without you.
Me calling him out on his spoiled brat ego the other night actually had a different outcome than I thought . Usually it’s the pitty party carried on for days . He squashed it very fast over the last few days and I know that comment about I will divorce you is playing in his head . Felt good to get that out too !
