Just spinning emotionally here and know this is the best place to put it all down . Valentine’s Day I thought went well . Spent some alone time with H and both agreed it was really nice . Spent a night away without kids . Nothing fancy but with busy lives much needed .
I have an extremely overbooked week. I asked H to help out a bit more than usual and he was more than willing to . I gave a lot of appreciative communication about the extra things he did in the beginning of week .
Well here comes Tuesday night . I’m just fried . A lot on my plate and just need a bit to unwind. H was good said he was going to hang out with kids . Here comes the now 2 nights of barely sleeping .
I get a text from H that he is tired and going to bed . Thought nothing of it . A little bit later and when I say a little bit less than 15 mins . I go up to bed . Nothing unusual with H being home last 8-9 months occasionally he crashes earlier than me but mainly we go up together . I get in bed. About 30 minutes later H is sitting up in bed just staring off . I know this stare this is the I’m looking for pity . At this point I realize something is up . So I bite . Are you not tired ? H says no . I lied so you would come up and go to bed with me . I’ve been waiting here for you to make some type of initiation aka “sex”. (Would just like to add this is not a man lacking in that department ).
My face was probably priceless at that moment . Now I’m annoyed . Probably not the best response but I went with - you made an expectation of me that you didn’t even communicate . I am not a mind reader . Not only did you expect something which had you said come up to bed would have had a better result you chose to lie and manipulate me to get what you wanted . Oh boy did that not go over well . Next thing I know he’s up until 4am and wandering around the house like a child looking for attention. Did I mentioned I had a packed week ??? Sleep would have been darn nice .
Next day - a get a few long texts about how he’s a bad communicator , he’s embarrassed and “im sorry”
I didn’t respond to any of them. I made it abundantly clear I had a busy week , this is a habit he has done for years. Always a nightmare when I ask for help . So I stopped . Always when he does a bit more he wants more from me even when I’m running on empty . So he called late in afternoon. He’s tone all wrong . Here comes the yelling and cursing from him . Haven’t heard that for a solid 6 months . Then comes the blame game . A list of everything I do wrong . None have any validity . I’m very big on accountability now if I ask you if something is ok and you say yes , you are responsible for your response. You don’t bring it up months later and get me to validate He comes home from work . I’m kind . I didn’t even yell back at all his non sense the hour before .
Night 2- i stayed away from him for most of the evening . I went to bed . Yup same scenario. H sitting up in bed . Finally he says if we dont talk neither of us will ever sleep .
Apparently there were multiple things over our weekend away he didn’t want to do . Never said anything and actively planned. Again , he is responsible for the choices he made . If he didn’t like a restaurant speak up . The entire list of his complaints was just stupid . I knew most of them because I have a very good read on this man . I addressed them all on our drive home causally , said hey let’s order in next time we go away so we get more hang out time , let’s pre-pack some stuff so we aren’t running out so much . He agreed . But according to H he was explaining ways he doesn’t communicate. I asked for more in depth examples because not liking a restaurant is valid but really does it matter if we have steak or chicken and I know there’s more .
The doozy - H - some days I feel like I don’t want to be married . Today is one of them . This is a lot of work . I didnt know how much work this was going to be . I look at other couples and I’m jealous . Il waiting to get to that point where I feel solid in this . Some days I look at myself and I can’t believe what I have done to this relationship . I’m here , im not leaving but some days I don’t know how you are still here . One day it will build up and you will leave after you have had enough .
My response - I’m not to blame for your feelings on not wanting to be married . If I don’t want to do something , I speak up . I suggest you do the same because for the last 9 months I’ve heard about how you bottled feelings up and then ran a muck for years but yet are doing the same . If you don’t want to be married speak up because I will not divorce someone who wants to be married and is taking the right steps but I will divorce someone who underlying does not want to be here .
