I’d like to ask you LB23 - what was it you confronted her about?

I may be over-analysing, but I still see the underlying theme I wrote about on your thread last time.

You confronted her about something (I assume something she did?), and now she’s flipped the table and your relationship is again teetering precariously?

Is your fear reaction to this latest development reasonable? It’s not okay that you confront your wife about something, and then because she doesn’t like it, she holds a metaphorical gun to your head and you come back here remorseful and your marriage is “back on the edge”.

In fact, the language you used “back on the edge” implies she controls everything. Like you’re a pawn on her chess board. It also suggests you have to comply and do everything right (and not confront her about conversations where she should be accountable), otherwise she’ll punish you.

I may be reading too much into this, but it’s starting to sound to me like there’s a really messed up dynamic here where she rewards you if you do what she says like a love sick puppy dog, and there’s threats and manipulation if you don’t or if she feels at all like she has to be accountable.

I’m not too proud to admit I was exactly like you a few years ago. Early on in my marriage, I was contacted by someone with screen shots showing my wife was talking to other men. When I asked her, she blankly denied (and said “your false accusations will end up ruining our marriage”). Eventually, when presented with screen shots, she said “you made me do this because I didn’t feel loved.”

Any time it subsequently came up (such as at marriage counselling), she would threaten me, go quiet, hold me at arm’s length - and I’d be mopping up the pieces of my “mistake” to desperately try and keep my family together.

She was making me feel like our marriage was falling apart by raising something she did. Manipulation 101. While I think the word gaslighting is over-used far too much, that’s absolutely what was going on - and what I think she’s doing to you.

You really need to ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be with.

What is SHE doing to repair the marriage? What has she admitted to? What is she working on?

From the cheap seats, this is going to get much worse before it gets better.