Thanks for posting that Grok. I have read a lot on this site but I hadn't seen any of FightingFit's posts before. I will be reading through that again. It's a great insight.
Yes, I have read numerous times about the 2+ years timeline but from what I read in FightingFit's post, I should not be afraid of applying more tough love in terms of my W's secrecy, suspicious behaviour and failure to act like she's in the M. I know the feelings will take a long while to follow and I don't want W to be forced back to the M. The debate seems to be about being tough and getting respect but W being 'forced' back vs DB'ing and her (maybe) WANTING to eventually come back to the M.
As it stands I'm more and more unsure if I want this woman back. Correction - I DON'T want THIS woman. I suppose I'm holding on to the hope of a healed version of my old wife.
I know I have more work to do on myself so that is part of what gives me some more patience.
The more I read on here, and especially FightingFits posts, and when I look back in hindsight at my own sitch, the moment we husbands expose or confront the affair is the time where we have the most power to turn the situation around. We really need to compose ourselves, not be afraid and leverage this situation to our advantage. I thought I went pretty hard/tough but I realise now that I wasn't tough enough. My wife should have been out to stay at her parents or OMs or wherever and not allowed back until certain conditions were met. My mistake was not enforcing those conditions.
I think how I expected her to act wasn't what ended up happening so I didn't have everything in place. I was too caught up in the MLC narrative of leaving the affair alone (that is probably more applicable to MLC H's than for W's).
My strength and detachment is getting more each day as well. At the moment I'm happy pulling away and getting my own life back on track but I think we'll naturally reach a point where I run out of patience.
