Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[grok]

an LBS … emotional journey

Despair Shock Eden has turned to ashes. WAS, why are you not with me through it all? Is that not the covenant we joined?

Ashes of Eden - Breaking Benjamin

Is there anybody calling?
I can see the soul within
And I am not worthy
I am not worthy of this

Are you with me after all?
Why can't I hear you?
Are you with me through it all?
Then why can't I feel you?

Bargaining If I blame myself…If I remain committed …

Evacuation - Greg Puciato

Don't you and I belong?
Oh, where did I go wrong?
Don't you and I belong?
Oh, where did I go wrong?

Not gonna just leave

How could it all be?

Grief In the end, everything you try … doesn’t work. It didn’t even matter.

In The End - Mellen Gi Remix (Tommy Profitt)

It's so unreal
You didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Tryin' to hold on, they didn't even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory
Of a time when I tried so hard

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn't even matter

Acceptance Who they were doesn’t exist right now. The current me is death. I want to be in the light again.

Blackwater Remastered 2003 - Rain Tree Crow - Everything and Nothing

I see no sign
I see no place I've loved
Depending on the signs
To find the road

Blackwater take me with you
To the place that I have spoken
Come lead me through the darkness
To the light that I long to see again

Emptiness Emotional exhaustion. You are empty. Worn down to a nub left.

Highway Anxiety - William Tyler

Instrumental

Calm Decision point. Eventually, YOU become the WAS.

The Message - Still Corners

Driving 'til dawn
Call you from the station
Leaving you a message
That I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone

Gone
I'm gone
I'm gone

Contemplative Your soul wanders. What does this mean? Who are you? Where now?.

Wandering Souls - Robbie Robertson

Instrumental

Spirituality. The S in PIES. Re-centering your spiritual self. Looking for relief from a higher power.

Running - Land of Color

I can hear you calling me
Come my child and sit down at my feet
…
Why am I running
From the one I need the most
I keep running, running
It's just like me to fall back in my ways
Tryin' to find love in all of the wrong the places
But it's not easy to see
…
I can hear you calling me
Come my child and sit down at my feet

Numb Anger profound Disappointment You cycle back though stages again. This is not linear. It hits you all over again.

Red Cold River - Breaking Benjamin

I can't feel anything at all
This life has left me cold and damned
I can't feel anything at all
This love has led me to the end
…
Try to find a reason to live
…
Run, run, run
Red cold river

On Edge Of your old world. You are at the edge of the world (that was). Time to step up and out. For …

Edge of the World - Karma Fields

Instrumental

Centered Fight for ME. MY values. MY goals. To be the BEST ME. For MY reasons.

For Me - Karma Fields

Fight for me
Fight for me

Fight for me
Fight for me
Me

g

( This was pretty close to what Spotify randomly played for me
- Audio me says - best played at volume with a full range (including subwoofer) system -
Spotify 17XqKU4xRkh2VysA9Voj4Z?si=2eb6fc14fbca4688 )

Coda

Making the weeks food with D19 and Spotify on random. She recognizes “In the End” by the first few notes. She knows the lyrics. She looks at my face.

D19, ”Dad, that’s not the vibe music I said to play. I’m taking playlist control. You are not allowed.”

A couple hours later on.

D18, chattering, listening to one of the songs, ”Have you ever been so sad you can’t breathe?”

I pause.

G, ”yes… D18“

D19, ”no D18, we’re not talking about that.”