Here is where I’m struggling, when he brings up D, I’ve tried to say I understand your feelings and they are your right, but mention that I don’t agree with D.
You’ve told him you don’t want a divorce no need to tell him again.
Leave the heavy lifting to H. Let him do the work and own this divorce. You don’t need to place boulders on the path, yet you don’t pave it in gold either.
By the way, speak to your own lawyer. And do not tell H! You are only gathering information, not seeking a D. Learning your rights and the likely, best, and worst outcomes if it comes to it. Knowledge is power. Keep what you learn to yourself.
If H shares his feelings, validate his feelings where you can. That’s validating that H feels what he feels, not that his plan or direction is correct or you are condoning his actions. Just that his feelings are valid, for him.
When he directly brings up divorce, he knows your stance.
There is a benefit to listening. They’ll drop clues about logistics, where they’re at, how far along they are, how confused or determined they are, etc. That knowledge is power stuff again. However, remember it’s all talk. Agree to nothing. Let H walk his path. When you don’t react, especially like he figures you should, it makes him stop and (re)consider. Continue not taking the bait.
Originally Posted by LetsHope
He has been kind and wanting to watch tv together at night, texting me to check in daily and making sure my pills are filled up and that I’m eating…he’s always been caring and all, but this is where my question comes in, how should I be responding to these things?
Enjoying the evenings with him watching tv while I can? Or should I leave and go find something else to do? He asks if I want to watch a show.
Oh my yes, it is confusing.
H is looking to D, and yet watching TV with you, wanting to spend time with you. His emotions are a bag of cats! He will change direction like flipping a switch. So, you do you. Focus on you.
If you want to watch the show, it’s ok to watch it with H. If you don’t want to watch that show, it’s ok to do something else.
Treat H like a roommate. Kind and cordial.
Also, have boundaries. If H says things or behaves disrespectfully, leave the room. Period. Rock solid boundaries/consequences are needed especially when dealing with crisis folks and their teenager-like behaviours. (By the sounds of things, H thankfully hasn’t stepped over that line yet.)
Focus on you. Keep moving forward. GAL. Be pressure-free. And no R-talks. Or cake eating.
Be strong. Hang in there.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
