I'm sorry you're here. You aren't alone. Lot's have been through it before us and lots more will again. I find it helps to vent a bit here so don't worry about that.
It's hard to know when these situations start but I'm probably over a year in myself although awareness crept up on me more slowly. I'm still obsessing and learning.
And on doing 'all the wrong things'... no one teaches us about this stuff. It's not normal, we do the best we can with the information we have at the time. We know what our intentions are. I've had to do a lot of reading to get to where I feel I understand some of what is going on with my sitch.
Don't beat yourself up about it. I like to remind myself that I'm going through the most difficult period of my life and I'm still holding things together. I'm doing well. Try to find some of that positivity too.
I suspect most of us here have had (too?) low conflict marriages up to BD and then it hits the fan. That's why it's such a surprise. My situation is still low conflict and relatively calm. I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing more anger.
I find venting here helps. Don't be afraid to get things off your chest.
