It’s a very interesting thing how unhealed childhoods can not be the actual reason for affairs but definitely play into how they can lay the groundwork.
Over the last few months H has been opening up a lot more about his relationship with his parents . (Very different than mine ). The lack of being able to sit down and just speak to his father without judgement or fear . The feeling of not a full abandonment physically but that he was cut off emotionally. I hear this topic on replay weekly and have been watching him slowly break it down . It is kinda sad to hear . He has come to the place where he feels it needs to be addressed with them .
It really makes you wonder is this the underlying cause of always needing gratification and the emotional detachment to your spouse .
I go back to BD and the spew he spit out for a few days there : I’m not good enough , the kids favor you , they don’t need me , this is who I am and mainly the excuses for the affair : she liked my clothing , she answered when I called , she dropped everything when I was around .
Months later that spew has cleared up and reality hits hard . She likes the clothing your wife bought ? She answered because you stopped calling your wife but the big one “she dropped everything while I was around “ your wife paid the bills , took care of our children and maintained your children’s well being .
Sounds awfully like a child who seeks attention from their parents to me .
I’m not going to say I’m in any way moving towards healing this marriage . Just letting some time go by before I decide what to do here . Watching this unfold .
