After the last conversation with W I've realised she isn't really capable of helping me right now. She is dealing well with day to day stuff of parenting and work but emotionally she is so wrapped up in herself, and is still burying her head in the sand I feel.
There's no empathy for me, she is still so cold and distant.
One of the things that I can't get used to, even after months, is the lengths she will go to to avoid the slightest touch as we pass each other in the house.
I know I just have to work on my own healing and detach (with love). She's cake eating and there isn't much I can really do about it other than GAL, concentrate on myself and don't be so available to her.
I'm currently reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k by Mark Manson. It's quite timely to be reading this now. It also gives one perspective on how our WS's get into the predicament they are in. We all have only so many f**ks to give and if we spend them on stuff that doesn't matter, we don't have enough left for the real things that will make us happy.
Our WS's get into comparing themselves and their lives with what they see in movies, novels, social media or whatever and get caught up with the idea they are missing out. They spend all their time chasing a hit to convince themselves that they are happy based on these messed up metrics of what happiness should look like.
Instead we should embrace the pain of an imperfect life. Drill down into who we truly are and what we truly value. Find the problems to solve that will get us closer to those values, these are good problems to have. Then we start caring less about all the other stuff that doesn't matter. Why give ourselves problems that don't get us closer to what we value?
For me, this means a further step back from Ws drama, more concentration on myself and kids for the next while. Drill down into my own values. Lean into the pain, use it to drill down into my own core values. Less giving a f**k about anything else.
