Taking some time in the mountains again. it is a great change of pace. the weather is phenomenal and ive been enjoying good company and recreation. I get some work done up here as well. sometimes a change is as good as a rest.
been looking for a little time and energy to update here. i have ben reading others' stories and finding inspiration from your courage.
I suppose i am well into or perhaps beyond the last resort. Nothing clear or concrete has taken place to indicate that I am saving my M. I am however moving forward doing what i understand to be right for myself, my family and who i am meant to be.
The pain and anger are there but different now. I have been able to process quite a lot. I can quite objectively and honestly look at and address my weaknesses and ways I contributed to the breakdown of the M. And somehow now I am able to separate that and also objectively and honestly look at and tell the story of what W did by cheating. And I believe I have made progress forgiving while also being resolute that there is no way I am ok with infidelity.
As i was alone out in the wild yesterday i was imagining telling someone maybe W with great calm in my voice, "If you could imagine the most painful thing you could find to willfully do, it would be to be unfaithful, to embark upon an affair, to reject me and not be willing to talk about it or work on our M."
So here I am completely focused on other things. Learning, feeling and facing life and discomfort.
