Thanks for the replies. I get it on the feelings being 'right now'. I know they can change. I've seen it first hand. I suppose what I was trying to figure out is how much I'm being taken for a ride or is W in a genuine struggle. Maybe you'll say what does it matter. She seems genuine. I think manipulation would seem a lot more 'sweet'.
I sense a bit of waywardness in W still and I'm mindful of Sandi's warning about getting stuck in a dead marriage roommate situation post A. Hence my grenade.
I think for me 180s are no longer being a nice guy pushover and also being more emotionally available.
Yes feelings take time to change and I know I'm not being as patient as the advice here. I've been pulling back for a while and it doesn't seem to work. Do what works? Making connection does I think. Even though she wants to avoid talking, checking in with her seems a way to get her to open up and see that i am approachable and she can feel seen or understood. I heard enough so I can put the grenades away for a while.
Another 180 for me is not jumping in to fix or show off what i know or have a better idea (Caught myself too late doing it again tonight). Guys like this kind of talk - Ladies don't. So I'm trying to hang back more in these types of conversations.
Communication skills. This is one I probably overlooked because I'm fairly clear, direct and precise in how I talk. If anything im a bit quiet, and because I know I'm quiet, I also thought I was a good listener but I'm realising that's not true. Getting better at listening and talking in such a way that people want to open up more, thats a real skill and a new one I need to learn.
And then women typically aren't clear and direct when talking about what they want and need. It's more subtle hints and riddles. My wife probably already told me everything I ever needed to know, I just didn't know how to tune in properly, read between the lines and tease out the crucial information.
