I just asked her how she was feeling and listened and validated as she talked about a different childhood issue from those she mentioned before, about how she's a people pleaser, only ever did anything in her life to please other, me her mum etc.
How she feels emotionally detached from the relationship. How she wouldnt mind if i said i liked someone else (in other words she wants permission to be with someone else). I should have said how I wouldn't do that because of my marriage vows and because I'm faithful but instead I reminded her jokingly how she used to talk about cutting my b0lls off if I cheated. W said she been looking at old photos trying to get feelings back. I said I think love comes from doing loving things.
I said I worried a bit about her health. She said she doesn't feel depressed but I don't think everyone who is deprssed recognises it do they?
All in all, interesting to hear her perspective on things. I mostly listened, validated, didn't react. Thanked her for the talk.
I did ask if she had given up on the idea of keeping the family together. I know this is a high pressure question. She paused a long while and didn't give a negative but nowhere near a strong positive either.
She knows we can't continue like this at least so there is a small bit of self awareness there but still so wrapped up in herself and her own thoughts and feelings.
It's a pity. She might not be capable of coming back to the marriage in the way that I need. But all good information.
