Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[grok]

Gotta love kids of all ages. On one front, kids are our saving grace. On another, such a fulltime job. They certainly speak their mind. I laughed when I read this comment. I can hear my D saying this to me and there would be an eyeroll with her delivery. Perhaps hands being lowered and smacking her thighs in frustration as she stomped out of the room with a SMH.

Yeah, similar here.

Though in this context I believe D19 was talking mostly about XW. This and the other things we had been talking about were all XW's responsibilities during our marriage.

children's perspectives
Perhaps it is just my perspective as the duties I had always done, I continued, and the things WERE XW's duties got mostly dropped. ... well, I am slow to realize sometimes that they were dropped, and I have to pick them up. From MY perspective it is clear.

From a child's perspective it might look different: Parents have always done X, Y, Z, 1, 2, and 3 for us children. We children do not have the direct knowledge of how Dad (X, Y, and Z) and Mom (1, 2, and 3) divided up the household responsibilities. Now Dad is here and Mom is over there and only X, Y, and Z are getting done. Dad, why is everything, i.e.1, 2, and 3, dropped?

I started to say something about XW dropping all the things ... Then bit my tongue. Put the wall back in place. My children are not to be vented to about XW. They are certainly not dumb. They will perceive and trust based on my ACTIONS. Often repeated here, stop talking and DO.

I validated many things were dropped and it is a problem.

I told her I'm doing my best to pick up and track all the things.

children -> adulting
I have been thinking about how to get D19 and D17 to pick up more of "all the things," i.e. "adulting" ... I was messaging with my old friend (the previously described best man) about some of this. He has older children now too. He expressed how he and his W have been asking their children to step up and take on more duties in the household. For older teens and up it is time to take on the responsibilities. Perhaps lay it on D19 that it is time to take on more things as her own responsibility. BEFORE she heads out on her own sometime.

g