I got too involved with the parenting, housework and possibly a bit controlling. W and I both work so I have to help out but I guess there is a balance to be found that I stepped over. Also trying to 'fix' the way she does things sometimes. It's just my way of trying to make things easier if I see something that is causing extra work for no reason or if I think of a better way. My wife is very sensitive to criticism, even things that aren't meant as criticism will be taken as criticism so a lot of times I'll bite my tongue (and get resentful) when I see her causing herself extra work but hey I just need to learn to let her be more.Also in general terms it got to a point where I wasn't romantic enough, wasn't fun enough, wasn't flirting enough, wasn't emotionally available enough. All what I'm working on now...
I'm sure you didn't mean it quite this way but wording so very much influences our thought. The fact that you are "helping" parenting or housework is not the best way to look at it. You are both young and the old dynamic of wife stays at home and takes care of kids whilst the man works is hardly ever the case. Not just financially but sometimes i think alot of women don't really see that "housemom" role as being a positive experience... society definitely doesn't pitch it that way.
You are never helping w/ the children. They are yours therefore your responsibility.
So let's focus on the controlling part? Were you or weren't you? In what way might you feel like you were?
Control is very destructive to a marriage... so if there is validity there - the 180 for you would be to relinquish as much as possible back to her. This is not in the form of her walking all over you - it is surrendering to her decisions and letting them play out.
Originally Posted by Dynamiq
So difficult to see a way back to flirting and romance though. I'm closer to packing her bags than I am to winking or teasing.
Maybe I just need to start flirting with life instead...
No one is saying to flirt and tease. It was suggested to be pleasant, compassionate, and kind. Those actions don't require a romantic connection.
I understand you are hurting - but if you are here to save your marriage - you have to be honest with yourself first (and us - so we an help you) on how you fell short. YOU are the one that's here so tell us about you.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
