Well, not intentionally as such, though you ought to see the process of writing them down. I tend to think in concepts and connections...a train of thought from me ends up as disassociated concepts ... blurbs missing the 12 connections each that explain it. Then I have to go back and connect with things that would make sense to someone outside my head.
Much like we say about our MLCers, I tend to have fleeting thoughts (and sometimes emotions). If I don't brain dump or ramble, it gets lost in the next series of thoughts. I can attest to learning as I journal and from reading my own writing. This confirms your comment:
Originally Posted by G
Important things are found in the "unknown unknowns or unknown knowns" expressed.
Perhaps our subconscious knows more than our conscious knows. I call it intuition.
On the listening front, I can relate to the multi-tasking style listening. And, if I couldn't distract, I would gloss over some of his topics. It must have gotten more obvious as there weren't kids sports to cover. Convos were often about which one of us was going with D vs S. When we had to leave. When dinner would be eaten. And, after the games, of course there was a play by play conversation. Empty nest changed that and left us with work convos. I don't want to listen to the same stuff. H didn't want to listen to the same stuff. Hence, you don't listen to me.
When I read your comments, I hear something more. Even beyond the glossed look, body language speaks volumes. I imagine he heard loud and clear that I wasn't hearing him. I wasn't understanding him. I wasn't meeting him where he wanted me to be in his story. I get that now.
Now, how to apply it to S. I've been mindful and had an ear for how convos go. Yesterday, I heard concern and a need for input. He wasn't just venting. He wanted my opinion. He didn't straight up ask but I did. Are you sharing to vent or for feedback. Bam, S wanted my take.
Originally Posted by G
What was the underlying purpose of her talking to me? Why, how, and what was she looking for to feel listened to? I have the things I've learned in the last few years ... though I'd be interested in hearing your answer from the feminine perspective before giving mine.
She wanted your undivided attention. She wanted to be seen, heard and understood. She was looking for engagement, a reaction, something more than you giving her less than 100% attention. Yup. An unknown unknown is now a known unknown.
Originally Posted by G
Same and I'll give the DB stock answer "I'm doing surprisingly well!" It is true after all. And doesn't negate the "aftershocks" which continue in muted form.
I need to be better at staying muted. With fewer opportunities to connect, I fail. Or perhaps, I cease the moments and go too far. Something to figure out.
