Welcome to a great community, sorry you find yourself here. Like many on the boards I was in a situation like yours not that long ago and it was both the worst and best thing to ever happen to me. Frankly when I read the opening lines of your first post that referenced W partying I said out loud, "This could be my story".
There are a lot of very helpful posts here and it sounds like you've been reading. Keep it up. Be sure to focus on yourself, your actions, and your behaviors. Giving headspace to what your W did/may have done/could be doing is a recipe for more of the same bad behavior that lead you here. Let her go.
Be prepared for lots of ups and downs - good days, then bad weeks, then one great hour, etc. Remind yourself that this is part of the growth process you're living through, but always revert to valued actions. DO, don't THINK or SAY.
Once you have clarity on what you want in your life and what standard you expect from those you invite into your life, the answers to all of the questions you're grappling with will present themselves. Be patient, be persistent, and above all, don't lose hope that you will have the life you want. That's rule number 1.
