Originally Posted by grok
Originally Posted by JoshSco
And no, I didn't say anything about this specific support group. Just told her my support group, who has seen 100s of these things, said she should move out of the marital bed.

I suggest you reframe this. YOU do things and enforce YOUR boundaries because YOU chose them.

You will learn a lot here. And I do suggest following the advice. Not because people here said to. That will come across as weak.

Instead do it for you,

as your own choice,

and own the choice and action.

Be Strong.

Choosing and acting what is right.

g

I agree 100% with Grok. I understand the allure of referencing this group and it can range from 1) shifting who the "bad guy" is from you to the group to 2) referring to some more neutral parties (though we only hear your side of this situation) with accumulated experience/expertise. I'm sure there are more reasons. That said, her response suggests it probably didn't have the effect or impact you hoped.

I have a close friend who similarly tells his current W that either I or another long-term friend say that he should do X, Y, or Z about their marriage. It just doesn't help the situation IMHO, no matter how you slice it. As Grok suggests, I expect it makes a person look week and unattractive (as R2C might say).

I recommend NOT talking about this group, much as MWD recommends keeping her books to yourself. Like those books, this group is here for YOU and YOUR growth, self-improvement, and well-being. Don't give her more ammo to be angry with you. Better to let her sit in her own choices and actions to see what her life is like w/o you, your influence, or your support. And, not to be mean to her. Instead it is because you are working hard on things for youself and kids.

And, you did several good things in that conversation. I recognize that and applaud you for it. Keep up the good work!