Rumspringa

[Valeska19]

I understand how difficult it is to surrender to the truth. Especially when there is confusion on their end. They reject you and then get surprised when you tell them "Okay... I accept your rejection so I'm going to move on". And then all h3ll breaks loose.

I'm not sure all h3ll has broken loose yet - but - reading this again, this makes sense. He was sad that I accepted his rejection instead of fighting for him. I'm having trouble squaring this in my mind though. I think I'm in a no win situation with him: Fighting for him is clingy, anxious, smothering; accepting his rejection makes him feel rejected and he shuts down further. The only way to manage this is to do neither and live in this frustrating limbo. I think this is why I have invited him in and not detached.

Wait until you see a L and move forward with those steps. The "feeling" of his consequences has been pretty minimal. As you said the limbo is not being detached.

The other option of course is to move let go and move forward. That no win situation is for your H to figure out. Your next steps is for you to figure out your move. The limbo you live in is the limbo you choose. At this point - it's not longer something your H is doing to you.

I do still intend to have a conversation with him in January about where we stand and what is next.
It was my intention to say to him what I said above - that I would hold space for him if and when he is ready to work on our relationship. I do think it's worth one last try, but God, we are so damaged. It feels like trying to rebuild a house that's been hit by a bomb.

Isn't this the clingy, anxious, smothering action you are talking about above? Regardless of what he says to his sons... when he has done the work on himself... he will know that line was a lie to he was telling himself.


I personally think it's more of the same from you. You telling him you will wait until he "gets better". That is not a place of strength and honestly not very loving to you. Putting a part of yourself on hold for something that may never happen.

Why not work towards acceptance and put it in God's hands? If you two are meant to heal, he would open the doors to that. Just a thought.

But if you must have the conversation be calm and expect nothing.