A short 4 hours after H left, I rec'd a text. As far as I can tell, H hasn't doubled down as Valeska points out. I've got my eyes open though.

I will say that I suspect H is moving through the tunnel. H has dipped a toe or two into depression and may be further along than I thought. Time will tell. I will stay the course and remain detached until outreaches are meaningful. Superficial conversations are of no interest to me.

H: How's the water? (What a strange question to reach out to ask. I presume anchor checking as the dance didn't go quite as he planned.)
M: It's fine. Thx (responded the following day)
H: I'm glad (responded immediately after receiving my text)

And that was the last of our conversation. No Merry Christmas message was sent by either of us.

Talked D through her anxiety and she eventually made it to Christmas dinner. She wanted to go to see a couple family members but could do without a visit with others. After some conversation, she fessed that she was worried that H hadn't gotten her a gift and she didn't know how she'd cope. There's that 'fear' again. I need to work with her on this....as I've been helped here. TY DnJ for the great insight a few weeks back that I can share with D.

In the end, she seemed to have had a great time and only mentioned a couple things that really upset her. I couldn't explain one of them - perhaps you can help me. Basically, about 10 years ago, we bought our dog a collar with sea turtles on it. Admittedly, I don't think it's a great looking collar but here's what interesting. D said that H's dog is wearing the same exact collar. I don't even know how he could've come across it 10 years later. For this reason, she thought H had taken it from the house to put on his dog. Knowing that it's a duplicate, she felt better that it wasn't sticky fingers. Yet, she is now more perplexed about why he'd buy the same exact collar....with sea turtles.

Even stranger to me (and I didn't say this to D) is that his first tattoo while in MLC was one of a large sea turtle with a saying, "If not in this life, in the next". Could his subconscious have attracted him to the sea turtles 10 years ago....and they still have meaning to him? He also bought sea turtle puzzle to put together earlier this year. I'm so confused. Dogs and sea turtles just keep surfacing. Any explanation for what would move him to get a replica of our dog's collar?

H is visiting S tomorrow - after 7 months at his new place, H will see S's apartment for the first time.
And, H called D the day after Christmas to invite her to his place to get her gift that he forgot to take to dinner. As you can imagine, she was crushed especially since she feared that he wouldn't remember her! H isn't winning but I must say that at least there is effort now. She missed his call but texted back later in the day asking him to come to her place instead since he hasn't seen her apartment either. We'll see how this plays out.

D and I baked on the 23rd as we always do. Mom requested that we make a yule log and so we obliged. It was perfect!! We also spent a few hours at mom's to help her prepare for the 24th.

I had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas day (and am hopeful you all did as well). I celebrated all day on the 24th with my family. Lots of food and laughs. The entire family went to mass as we do every year. We took up the entire church pew. It warmed my heart. My babies woke up here for Santa on Christmas morning and then I hosted the usual breakfast for my family.

H's sister expressed disappointment through D that she didn't get invited to come for breakfast - she expressed the same disappointment last year too. I'm just not ready for that and so I kept the invite to only my family. No regrets.

D and I enjoyed our once a year 16 bean and ham soup. She loves that I make it with the leftover Christmas ham every year. It warmed the insides on a cold winter day.

Had the kids, BF and GF over for homemade lasagna and the requested garlic bread today. I can make a mean lasagna if I must say so myself. Yet, they insisted on a bowl of the soup before digging into the lasagna. Kids took the leftovers to indulge later this week.

I'll be exchanging gifts with several folks over the next couple days. And, I'm looking forward to lunch with a friend before returning to work. Yes, work is on the horizon. yuck.

I rec'd an invite from H's aunt for NY's day. Still haven't decided on whether to go or not. Invites from his family continue coming my way. I'm really considering popping in to see everyone I've called family for 30 years. We'll see if D is open to going with me.

Wishing everyone a healthy and joyful 2025. And, thank you all for listening, reading, commenting, coaching. We'll get through this together and come out better people.