I second what Kind says above. Trying to get your S to own their contributions at this point is a cheeseless tunnel. They aren’t there yet and may never be. To do so would contradict their current view that you are the problem. It certainly won’t attract them back to you if the experiences they have with you leaves them with negative vibes when you’re around. I would often ask myself if what I was going to say or do would make me me more or less attractive to a partner (not specifically my own S but anyone with whom I get into a serious relationship with). I asked if what I was going to say or do represented the best “me” that I aspire to be. When the answer was no, I would STFU as Ready2Change likes to say. Work on yourself and for yourself at this point. No matter what the outcome for you relationship, trust us that this is the best path in the long run.
