What about when she tells me she wants me to pay attention to her accomplishments and congratulate her and make her feel good about them... but to me that feels like I am pursuing her?
Or choose around the house. I want to make house more pleasant for all of us, not just her. I'm putting away my laundry and cleaning up after myself. Often cleaning entire rooms. She just sits there. She accuses me of trying to please her.. but the reality is this is weight I should have pulled for a long time and couldn't DUE TO MY DISEASE (for reference I had a restriction about getting HR above 100bpm)... so I am now stepping up to do the things I am supposed to be doing as a man an and a father and as her "roommate" .. not to please her.. but to help myself get past this disease...
I think you have to have an honest discussion with yourself. Are you doing all of that for you? Or her? Be honest here. I can tell you that I do a lot of cleaning around the house, but it's not too impress my wife, it's because I care a lot more about a clean house than she does. In fact, her lack of caring about housework was one of the big sticking points in our marriage. Even as a bachelor I kept an impeccable house!
So working full time while she stayed home and watched TV, played on the computer, or sang on a singing app really stuck in my crawl. So when she divorce bombed me I had to decide whether I wanted to keep the house clean or continue to complain about it. I chose the former.
If you are truly doing it because it's important to YOU and now you can, then go for it. If it's too try to impress her in some way. Stop.
As far as your first question. She is firing you as her husband. It's not your job to make her feel good. Pursuit in these situations is always bad, even if the WAS is asking you to pursue. If she needs that from you and you're not providing it, there is a fix she can do. And that's to stop pursuing a divorce and recommit back to the marriage. Short of her doing that, you shouldn't be her cheerleader.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
