Detaching & setting boundaries w/ clingy boomerang

[MamaG]

Valeska: thanks for stopping by. You know I appreciate your compliments, comments and even the 2x4s. It's not always easy to see what you point out. I don't get offended when you point out what you see. I don't always see what you see.

That being said - I'm still struggling to see why you engage with him so much. I know it doesn't feel like it to you because you don't initiate contact, but when he does - IMHO you linger too long in the conversation.

Your comments reinforce that he's using charming monster to manipulate me. You call it breadcrumbs. As that what you're saying? I trust that I'll know if H is trying and I do see some effort. Some change in his behavior since last year. Still, it's not true and consistent effort to call it 'trying'. I'm finding that H takes advantage of my reach outs for business stuff. He's being opportunistic. In his mind, H isn't reaching out; I am. I need a signature and bam, he brings along his list of needs, but is subtle about approaching his requests. My way of telling him that I'm catching on was to ask on a couple occasions, "Is that why you're here?". My intuition knew something was off. Now I need a boundary.

He could easily have signed the paperwork and left it in the mailbox. I should've seen that coming. I know better.

Also FYI - the reason he can reschedule all the time is because NOTHING is that important for him to get. All of this stuff could be fixed. He could put a change of address at the post office. He could get get a new passport.

I'm not concerned with possible late bills or others that may have piled up at the house. That's his problem for sure. It's more that I need a barrier for his opportunistic approaches. And, I need to be better at sniffing it out.

Who cares if he is uncomfortable or sad or busy or whatever. It's not that there isn't compassion... but he CHOSE this. He CONTINUES to choose this. Do whatever you can to allow him to hit bottom.

I desire rock bottom, as you know. I'm not overly concerned with his problems. Are you saying that I shouldn't have validated at all? Kept texts to business task topic?

I personally think this is the thing you need to get a 2x4 for...lol. You are still looking at breadcrumbs as some kind of connection.

They say around here is that if/when your partner recommits - you will have NO DOUBT. This the not the case. H3LL he could be reaching out for all kinds of reasons... that have NOTHING to do with you.

I see him needing a few items before his Jan trip, including a suitcase and his clothing. That's why I was looking for feedback on the drafted boundary. Yes, I'm still working on articulating and delivering boundaries.