I've played yesterday over and over in my head a couple times.
Much like what happened in October, I reached out for a business need and we ended up with a couple of interactions to follow. In Oct it was breakfast and a hike. This time, a stop at the house and an offer to return to fix things in a few days. Attempts to reconnect?
H pulled right into the garage. Walked in. Whistled for Dog1 and came right on up to me. He stared into my eyes as he's been doing, uttered a soft 'hi' and smiled. If you remember, he did this in Oct at breakfast and I told him I was nervous and didn't know if I could stay. This time I just looked away.
Only for a couple months after BD2 did he avoid eye contact. This isn't typical MLC behavior, is it? If guilt/shame is what usually keeps MLCers from eye contact and we agreed that in Oct that his comment about 'feeling judged less' didn't seem like it carried guilt/shame, could H have done more reflecting and inner work that I realize?
Upon arriving H immediately took care of the business request so his delays in coming to take care of the business item weren't about having reservations on resolving the business item....which I considered. And, then he lingered. It was a little awkward and so I asked if he wanted anything. He clarified, 'like what? anything to eat?' I confirmed and he said, 'no' and shook his head. For someone who misses my food, H still won't bite (pun intended). And immediately moved into compliments while surfing the house with his eyes.
What is your take on yesterday's interaction and visit?
Why would H ignore the mailbox for a week but send follow-up texts to come by at another day/time? After all, he's soooo busy. Do you think he was looking for an invite to come inside by avoiding the mailbox offers?
Is charming monster manipulating me into getting what he needed from the house while taking care of business item? But, if that's the case, why would he voluntarily offer to come Saturday and fix something?
Does H need more items? I'm not prepared to relive the summer months texts about coming to get things while I was in a 'no contact' period. If so, my voiced boundary sounds something like this:
I'm glad you came to take care of X task. When you come by and also take some things from the home, it is disrespectful. When you come to take care of business matters and also plan to get some of your belongings, we'll plan for a quick visit to pick everything up on another day. I'd like to get this all wrapped up in one go, so please lmk when we can get this resolved. (Glad we can fit one more boundary on this thread.)
What about compliments thrown my way? nails...house...bottle holder... More of the charming monster? Attempts to reconnect?
He really acknowledged the dogs, even holding Dog2 in his arms and talking in a baby voice to both of them, like he used to do. It wasn't time travel crisis behavior. This is how H used to walk in after work and greet them.
Also, is he trying to keep my guy friend from fixing 'his' house by offering to come over the weekend? Territorial, perhaps? H's love language was often offered through acts of service. Could he be reverting back? (I'm not celebrating nor do I think he's approaching the end of MLC. Just seeking to understand changes since May when I last saw him and he didn't have much interest in fixing things.)
I also learned that H called D last week. She said it was to ask a question that H couldn't gotten answered with a quick online search. Oddly, it was a call and not a text. (As an aside, she was upset to learn that H had called S before calling her but S didn't answer. D continues to suffer.)
Recognizing that my behaviors don't change, could he be in the beginning stages of attempting to reconnect? Yes, I know that I still wait for his reach outs with no push behaviors and no R talks.
