D friend learned over Thanksgiving that her parents have been divorced for two years. She’s been away at school and had no idea, but now that her dad moved out, it was quite obvious. My D has been a support to her friend. D learned that the friends’s mom and dad have been hanging out and being cordial. This immediately made my daughter question why I can’t be nice to H. D pointed out that many parents remain friends after divorcing.
I know that H and I remaining friends for the kids would be a dream for the kids, but I am not up for that. Clearly!
In response, I reminded D that I tried to be Dad’s friend and it landed me where I am now. I’m not doing that anymore. I will either be dad’s wife or the mother of his children.
She was visibly upset, but dropped the topic. I hope she’s healing as she vents and shares.
I then reminded her that divorce is horrible and comes with a lot of collateral damage. I then listed several examples of collateral damage that seemed to resonate for her. And now I found her to be confused because she wants what her friend has but is continuing to feel the impacts of divorce on family.
