Grief and Gratitude, Grok - (A) Rise

[grok]

Hey Mach1,

Yep, that weather wanders down from ND sometimes. Though by the time it gets here it went from -20F in ND to +38F yesterday morning here. Still, if you want a laugh, google Florida winter or cold weather memes...

- Ya'll pray for Florida, it's 48 degrees and we don't own any pants
- It's time to break out the cold weather gear, I'll wear socks with my sandals.
- Take a look at the beach, those wearing hats and jackets are Floridians, the ones in trunks and bikinis are tourists...

Days and Holidays and ... I'm 55 today

It's been a few days since my last update... I'm constantly tired, minor/moderate stressors in multiple dimensions, tight with the children, it's been a time of consolidation of self, focusing on the close in, I check in and read here everyday, often composing partial posts in my head but ... Kids and I basically took Thanksgiving week off from anything else...

Little dog with cancer walks with difficulty, poops/pees on floor, wakes me multiple times a night to go out for 10 minutes. This may be his last week. D17 is having the hardest time with it.

D17 has two chickens surviving. We have started to let them out in the back yard, uncaged. Dogs seem afraid of them LOL.

I spend an evening a week now helping D17 with her dual enrollment college classes. Algebra and a Bible class. She doesn't seem to want mom's help.

S13 is in a bit of a funk. ... Reverting to "I don't know" whenever asked questions.

D19 is working hard still and trying to figure out how to not be tired all the time from working all day... Hahahahah... I really shouldn't laugh as the next generation discovers the toil of unsheltered adulthood. She is exploring the concept of moving out sometime and getting an apartment with a friend. I did a brief walk though of how it is possible, but not as easy as she thinks to pay for everything.

Made two, hour long runs to the store last night after getting home from work. Once with D19 and then another with D17. Sinterklaas traditions from partial Dutch ancestry. Put out shoes that get filled with goodies by the next morning. Had to go get the (secret) goods. And help D17 shop for her Secret Santa duties on her gymnastics team.

D19, "Mom is asking if it is OK if she puts Sinterklaas things in our shoes here"
Think for a moment. Is this good for my children? yes.
G, "yes D19, that is fine"

Friends

I may write out some longer bits another time... because some of this requires more contemplation.

I made a new friend at the brewpub before the dual hurricanes. I went on my usual Tuesday night but the crew I know wasn't there. So ... I got a beer and went to the long window table just me and a book. A guy comes up also solo and plunks down a space away. After a few minutes i say hello and he notices my bookmark is "The Four Agreements." It turns out he had recently read it ... Because:
      - He's a WAH
      - Two years separated, now working to finalize D
      - "Just wasn't happy" anymore
      - In therapy ... apparently not one encouraging working it out.
      - Was the second marriage
      - Had a D14 from the first, where the W used the courts to keep him from her. He kept records of all his attempts to get partial time. When she asked "why didn't you fight for me," he just handed her the records. She didn't need to read them all and they are tight now.
      - He got himself a girlfriend now, despite still being officially M, stbxw apparently went from non-hostile to ballistic when she found out last month.
      - Prior military officer, same service.

I just listened and didn't accuse. ... though I don't think I can agree with his approach or values here. Told him the outlines of my story. His eyes boggled a bit at her choices.

The first friend I made at the brewpub, F, is now getting a divorce. He talked to me about it a little bit some time ago. Apparently, his W, J, is a partial alcoholic and behaves badly the days following consumption. From his perspective...she won't work on it or change. She was welcoming and friendly to me on Tuesday nights.

A military officer who was a good friend some years ago is planning to retire and was asking me yesterday about locations around me in Florida. I'd love having him nearby as we've been out of touch for a while.

Grandparents

XW's parents still in town in their own RV. We get along well, though I think communication is awkward as they go through D19/D17 often. Interesting daughters' perception of them and mom and ... on whose home this is ... I put zero blocking between them and the kids. They are welcome to come visit or take the kids out.

"Dad, Grandpa and Grandma want to know if it's OK to come over and play games Sunday afternoon after church, they will be there and take us to lunch. "
"OK, sure, they are welcome, and it will be fun."
"Oh, they are asking if mom should come."
pause
"No."
"OK, at least they asked this time...."

Lines of authority

In line with whose home it is... I discovered S13 was planning a movie marathon day with his friends but had not talked to me. I think for him there is some internal confusion about lines of authority and areas of responsibility. Having mom in the home some hours each week ....

G, "S13, were you planning this with just your friends? Do their parents know?"
S13, "I don't know"
G, "OK, but this has to be done by parents, not just kids arranging what they want..."
S13, "Well, I talked to mom about that I wanted to do."
D19, "S13, Whose home is this?"
Both D19 and D17 point at me.
G, "S13, for things done here, you have to talk to me and I'll talk to their parents."
S13 hangs his head
G, "You have a good idea and it will be fun to plan a Minions movie marathon for you and friends."
D19, "we'll pencil in in on the calendar and work on it."

Thanksgiving

The kids and I made a spread of traditional thanksgiving stuff. Took all afternoon to make! They didn't mention mom. I didn't either. I had one question from S13 about the grandparents coming over but I deflected it. Maybe I should have been blunt. ... Best judgment at the time and all...

Kids wanted a bluetooth speaker in the kitchen to listen to music... So I did one better. I pulled out of the closet a partial tube(!) based mini-integrated amp and speaker set. Did some minor repairs on the volume control and set it up on my large kitchen island. Gloss black so it looks and sounds pretty good.

and Christmas next up

The day after Thanksgiving, D17 had most of the Fall decorations already packed up! LOL. We got out the Christmas decoration boxes. D17, S13 and I also went out to inexpensive stores to get decorations for the home. Wall stickers, bottle brush trees, nativity nesting dolls, little battery lights, and more! It really looks good!

The tree will have to wait a week. I want it to live until New Years. Starting last year, I changed out from the artificial tree XW always liked to a real tree. Traditions and patterns for the 4 of us only.

g