Between you here on the boards and I, I am actually not finding this “limbo state” particularly hard now that I have detached. I am very focused elsewhere and things between her and I are really quite clear to me. We don’t have a relationship and there is no indication that we are headed in that direction. I am working on keeping the house and am prepared to buy her out. I am not doing the work of figuring out separation and divorce for her.
Good. Remained focused on you and those who want to be part of your life.
Originally Posted by Rockon
[STBXW] texted back “it would feel supportive and caring if we could have useful conversations about our separation so that we can get past the hard parts and move forward as friends and family. When you aren’t willing to have those conversations, I’m not really able to invite you into such vulnerable parts of my life.”
Don’t really know what to do with that one. Thinking of asking what seems unclear to her.
My suggestion for dealing with this latest text:
Tonight, by yourself, go to a really nice steak house. Order a nice appetizer. Like fried mushrooms. Also have a loaf of bread, or onion loaf if they have. For the main course, a thick cut, medium rare. Couple of baked potatoes. Vegetables. Your favourite soft drink. And dessert, a cake or such; something smothered in chocolate or caramel sauce.
“I’m not really able to invite you into such vulnerable parts of my life.”
You are detached. Treating STBXW (by her choice) like you would the grocery store clerk. I mean that’s how it is right now. She’s the one who left two years ago and is hiding out at her mother’s place. So, if the local store clerk brought up “vulnerable parts of her life”. What?!?
You’d back away. Right?
STBXW is trying to drag you back in. She is looking for a refill on her drama, justification, validation, etc. Let her be. Be the grey rock. She has lots of inner work to do. Let her. Do not try to save her.
Look, she has more than a few bridges to mend. You’d know if she was ready.
Remember, the festive season is coming up, and these folks come out of the wood work during such times. Stay your course! Focus on you and your those awesome priorities. Keep moving forward.
And congratulations to daughter!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
