I am continuing on track with my focus on priorities of my health, my work, my family, my faith, my fun and my friends. I have been enjoying benefits and peace of detachment from W. My mental health has really stabilized particularly over this last year. I still encounter challenges and have had very rough patches. For example, I was profoundly impacted by the losses of sons my 2 friends sustained, which was compounded by my own youngest S’s decompensation over the spring and summer.
I continue to have great connections with my kids, my own immediate family and my close friends and they have really helped me through this year. I have weekly counselling as well and I find that helpful.
W texts me a lot and I continue on detached, responsibly responding where necessary and time sensitive and continuing to focus about S’s needs and matters of importance and negotiations about the house and assets (by email).
Some communications from her recently have been challenging. She again referenced her state of limbo when it comes to what’s happening with us. I interpret this to mean she hasn’t yet been paid out for the house - either by us selling it or agreeing to terms on division of assets/me buying her out. She said that it’s really hard on her mental health. She disclosed to me that she is having a very difficult stressful time at work and commented that she doesn’t know how I did it going to work everyday full time and working overtime. She also told me she is having some health concerns being investigated with referrals to specialists. I expressed care about what she is going through and asked what she needs.
She texted back “it would feel supportive and caring if we could have useful conversations about our separation so that we can get past the hard parts and move forward as friends and family. When you aren’t willing to have those conversations, I’m not really able to invite you into such vulnerable parts of my life.”
Don’t really know what to do with that one. Thinking of asking what seems unclear to her.
Between you here on the boards and I, I am actually not finding this “limbo state” particularly hard now that I have detached. I am very focused elsewhere and things between her and I are really quite clear to me. We don’t have a relationship and there is no indication that we are headed in that direction. I am working on keeping the house and am prepared to buy her out. I am not doing the work of figuring out separation and divorce for her.
I welcome your input.
On a joyful note, I had lunch with youngest D today. She is doing so well and she and her BF are getting serious and are talking about getting married. I really like him and am very much in favor of them as a couple. She and I have been having great heart to hearts about it and about all kinds of things.
We also had a good chat today about the upcoming holiday season, and clarified some hopes and tempered some expectations about what family togetherness might look like. We were able to listen and express ourselves well. I emphasized my desire to have special times celebrating together with her and her BF and her siblings.
